Subject: Communication (Page 67)

Through no fault of his own my uncle crashed his car into a lemon tree; he is still bitter and twisted.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay

I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Books Communication Reading/Writing Reviews/Criticism

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

Communication Education Learning Speech

All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER.

(1957 – ) American actor, comedian, writer & director
Alcohol Beer Communication Men Sex Speech

In a restaurant with seats which are close to each other, one will always find the decibel level of the nearest conversation to be inversely proportional to the quality of the thought going into it.

Communication Conversation Murphy’s Laws Speech

If there is a wrong thing to say, one will.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Speech

If you explain it so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.

Communication Murphy’s Laws

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Communication Language Wordplay

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Appearance Communication God Reading/Writing

Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean.

baseball player
Communication Misspokements Reading/Writing

On the other hand… you have different fingers.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Body Communication Language

When your head is in the bear's mouth, it is not the time to be smacking him on the nose.

Communication Problems

In my youth there were words you couldn’t say in front of a girl; now you can’t say ‘girl.'

(1928 – ) humorist, singer, songwriter & satirist
Communication Language Speech

Anyone can tell the truth, but only very few of us can make epigrams.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist
Characteristics Communication Language Reading/Writing Truth

I always confuse the words exotic and erotic; that made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.

comic, actor, & writer
Communication Language

I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.”

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Language Self

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers.

(1914 – ) historian
Communication Success

Dictum on television scripts: We don't want it good – we want it Tuesday.

(1922 – ) English comedy writer & television presenter
Communication Entertainment Reading/Writing Television

Poets are literal-minded men who will squeeze a word till it hurts.

(1892 – 1982) American writer
Communication Language Reading/Writing

It's a damn good story; if you have any comments, write them on the back of a check.

(1889 – 1970) American lawyer & author
Communication Money

I was in a bookstore the other day and asked the woman behind the counter where the self-help section was; she said, “If I told you, that would defeat the whole purpose.”

comedian
Books Communication