Subject: Communication (Page 70)

The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can’t help it.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Communication Reading/Writing

Something very sad about the fact that I haven’t read Moby Dick, but I have read the Kindergarten Cop Wikipedia page.

(1983 – ) American comedian & actor
Communication Education Reading/Writing

All books over five hundred pages that weren’t written by Dickens or a dead Russian are better left on the shelf.

journalist & author
Books Reviews/Criticism

I don’t talk during sex ‘cause it’s embarrassing and it might wake her up.

stand-up comedian & writer
Communication Sex Speech

People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.

British stand-up comedian
Communication Things Wordplay

Good things don’t end in ‘eum,’ they end in ‘mania’…or ‘teria’.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Communication Language TV/Movie Quotes

Carlyle said, “A lie cannot live;” it shows he did not know how to tell them.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Communication Language Lies

I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Communication Language

Murder is a crime – describing murder is not; sex is not a crime – describing sex is.

(1917 – 1999) American sexologist
Communication Conflict Crime Language Reading/Writing

Our language is funny – a fat chance and slim chance are the same thing.

Communication Language

When four or more men get together, they talk about sports; when four or more women get together, they talk about men.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Communication Conversation Men People Speech Sports Women

Polite conversation is rarely either.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication Conversation Speech

Rhetoric: Language in a dress suit.

Definitions Language

Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Books Communication People Reading/Writing

One man is as good as another until he has written a book.

(1817 – 1893) English tutor, education reformer, theologian & translator
Books Communication Reading/Writing

Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.

Communication Insults Murphy’s Laws

She doesn’t need a steak knife… she cuts her food with her tongue.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Communication People Speech

If you want your name spelled wrong, die.

Communication Death Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

My fellow astronauts…

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Communication Misspokements Speech

What's that up the road? … a head?

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay

Gossip is nature’s telephone.

(Sholem Naumovich Rabinovich) (1859 – 1916) Jewish author & humorist
Communication