Subject: Communication (Page 73)

Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

(1867 – 1936) author & humorist
Communication Language

I can read minds but, it’s pointless cause I’m illiterate.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Intelligence Reading/Writing

An intelligent person can make a dumber statement than an idiot. The idiot is limited to his imbecility.

Communication Intelligence Murphy’s Laws Speech

Why's God always got such wacky shit to say?… when's the last time you heard somebody say, 'God told me to get a muffin and a cup of tea and cool out, man.'

American comedian & actor
Beliefs Communication God Speech

Gentlemen prefer bonds.

(1855 – 1937) American lawyer, judge, banker & Secretary of Treasury
Communication Wordplay

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and she can’t say 'No' in any of them.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Communication Insults Intelligence Sex

Correlation does not imply causality, but the more I say things like that the fewer people want to talk to me.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication Speech

To have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
America Communication Situations

A good novel tells us the truth about it's hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Books Characteristics Communication Honesty Reading/Writing Truth

A writer is somebody for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.

(1914 – 1953) Welsh-born poet & writer
Communication Reading/Writing

My first words were ‘Seconds, please.’

(1953 – ) American comedian & television host
Communication Eating Food/Drink Self Speech

Arrivaducci, von boyage.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Communication Language Malaprops

Seven days without laughter makes one weak.


Emotions Laughter Wordplay

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Communication Language Speech

In school I wanted to join the debating team… but someone talked me out of it.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Speech

Did I already tell you my Alzheimer's joke?

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none.

(1864 – 1910) French author
Communication People Reading/Writing

It was hard to have a conversation with anyone; there were so many people talking.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Communication Conversation Speech Yogi-isms

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Beliefs Characteristics Communication Lies Truth

Write drunk; edit sober.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Communication Reading/Writing

What a good thing Adam had; when he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication