Subject: Communication (Page 74)

Just give me a shave… I haven’t time to listen to a haircut.

Communication Speech Time

1. Any great truth can – and eventually will – be expressed as a cliche.

2. Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.

Communication Facts Intelligence Murphy’s Laws

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

(1952 – ) American writer & comedian
Communication Emotions Entertainment Laughter

I bought a dictionary, and the first thing I did was look up dictionary… it said “you’re an asshole.”

(1973 – ) American comedian
Books Communication Language Reading/Writing

A critic is a legless man who teaches running.

(1880 – 1946) American playwright, critic & writer
Communication Occupations Work

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Communication Language

There are three golden rules for parliamentary speakers: “Stand up. Speak up. Shut up.”

(1855 – 1949) British politician
Communication England Places Speech

The great American novel has not only already been written, it has already been rejected.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Books Communication Reviews/Criticism

A dirty book is rarely dusty.

Books Communication Reading/Writing Sex

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Communication Mistakes Problems

He writes dialogues by cutting monologues in two.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Reading/Writing Reviews/Criticism

Before the invention of the alphabet, filing was impossible… or very easy.

(1972 – ) English standup comedian, writer & actor
Communication Language

Well, I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication Speech

When they were naming the animals somebody got lazy… whats he doing?… eating ants… DONE!

(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals Language

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Animals Communication Conversation Speech

To eat is human, to digest, divine.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Eating Food/Drink Wordplay

Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is the same as saying ‘I apologize,’ … except at a funeral.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Death Language

Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.)

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Intelligence Language Self

All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER.

(1957 – ) American actor, comedian, writer & director
Alcohol Beer Communication Men Sex Speech

If you don't know what introspection is… you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

(1988 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics Communication Wordplay

Tact: The knack of making a point without making an enemy.

Communication Definitions