Subject: Communication (Page 75)

There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication People Speech

The greatest masterpiece in literature is only a dictionary out of order.

(1889 – 1963) French poet, novelist, playwright, artist & filmmaker
Books Communication

A conference call is the best way for a dozen people to say “bye” 300 times.

American comedian
Communication

I have learned the difference between a cactus and a caucus; on a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.

(1922 – 1998) U.S. Representative (Arizona) & politician
Communication Government Language Politics

The only time he opens his mouth is to change feet.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Insults Speech

There's a fine line between hyphenated words…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

They should call fishing what it really is… tricking and killing!

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Animals Language Sports

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

If at first you don’t succeed, read the manual.

Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper.

(1909 – 1959) Australian-born American actor
Communication Speech

If my critics saw me walking over the Thames they would say it was because I couldn't swim.

(1925 – 2013) British prime minister & politician
Communication

Snoring: Sheet music.

Definitions Sleep Wordplay

My husband asked me to talk dirty to him during sex; I told him to go f**k himself.


Communication Sex Speech

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Appearance Body Language

Medical Insurance: What allows people to be ill at ease.

Wordplay

Silence: Having nothing to say and saying it.

Communication Definitions Situations Speech

Barber: A brilliant conversationalist who cuts hair for a sideline.

Conversation Definitions Occupations

When I hear a baby, I always write down the noises he makes, so later I can ask him what he meant.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Children Communication Family

Why is it, when a door is open it’s ajar, but when a jar is open, it’s not a door?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay

Wooing the press is an exercise roughly akin to picnicking with a tiger; you might enjoy the meal, but the tiger always eats last.

(1952 – ) American columnist & author
Communication Reading/Writing

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language Self