Subject: Communication (Page 75)

The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can’t help it.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Communication Reading/Writing

Why is the alphabet in that order?… is it because of that song?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Communication Language

Don't let your mouth write a check that your tail can't cash.

(1928 – 2008) American singer, songwriter & rock and roll pioneer
Communication Speech

The early bird gets the worm but the late worm gets to live.

comedian, writer & editor
Communication Wordplay

I wonder what the word for dots looks like in Braille.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Language

I believe in talking behind peoples’ backs; that way, they hear it more than once.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication Speech

Just the omission of Jane Austen’s books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn’t a book in it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Books Communication Reviews/Criticism

If writers were good businessmen, they'd have too much sense to be writers.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist
Communication Money Reading/Writing

Accordionated: Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

Definitions Wordplay

Barber: A brilliant conversationalist who cuts hair for a sideline.

Conversation Definitions Occupations

I wouldn't touch the metric measuring system with a 3.048m pole.

Language Science/Weather

Out of the mouths of babes comes cereal.

Children Family Wordplay

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Speech Time

Television has raised writing to a new low.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Communication Entertainment Misspokements Reading/Writing Television

Corduroy pillows: They’re making headlines!

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Things Wordplay

I had the right to remain silent, but I had lost the ability to.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Speech

English? Who needs that? I’m never going to England.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Communication England Language Places

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be and when I called someone they went “Aaaaahhhh…”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Things

Omen: A sign that something will happen if nothing happens.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Watch out for irregular verbs which has cropped up into our language.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing