Subject: Communication (Page 77)

I have a fax machine with “fax waiting.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication

My wife says I’m unsophisticated and uncultured, so to prove her wrong, guess where I’m taking her… hint: It starts with “B” and rhymes with “wallet.”

Characteristics Wordplay

Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Books Communication People Reading/Writing

Scholarly Debate: Feud for thought.

Communication Definitions

My uncle was crushed by a piano; his funeral was very low key.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Death Language

Usher: One who takes a leading part in a theatre.

Wordplay

Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.

Death Government Language Taxes

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Books Communication Death Reading/Writing

Most people tire of a lecture in ten minutes; clever people can do it in five; sensible people never go to lectures at all.

(1869 – 1944) Canadian economist & humorist
Communication Speech

Champagne for my real friends, and real pain for my sham friends.

(1949 – ) American singer-songwriter, composer & actor
Communication Friends People Wordplay

Five out of every three people have trouble understanding fractions.

(1927 – 2018) British comedian, singer & songwriter
Science/Weather Wordplay

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication

The original Mickey Mouse cartoon was in Mouse, with English subtitles.

comedian
Communication Entertainment Language

Never read any book in which the author’s name appears in gold or silver on the cover.

Books Communication Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Communication People Speech

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.

(427 BC – 347 BC) Greek author & philosopher
Communication Fools Intelligence Speech Wisdom

Geologist: Fault finder.

Definitions Wordplay

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics Communication People

I wasn’t allowed to speak while my husband was alive, and since he’s gone no one has been able to shut me up.

(1885 – 1966) American actress & gossip columnist
Communication Speech

When you win, say nothing; when you lose, say less.

professional football coach
Communication Speech Sports

Beware of the conversationalist who adds “in other words;” he is merely starting afresh.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist
Communication Conversation