Subject: Communication (Page 78)

If people listened to themselves more often, they'd talk less.

Communication Murphy’s Laws People Speech

Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.

(1919 – 2000) Canadian prime minister & politician
Communication School Speech

The original Mickey Mouse cartoon was in Mouse, with English subtitles.

comedian
Communication Entertainment Language

I wonder what the word for dots looks like in Braille.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Language

Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

(1867 – 1936) author & humorist
Communication Language

There's always someone willing to disagree with me; but I'm the one who's called controversial.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Characteristics Communication

Pornography is literature designed to be read with one hand.

(1940 – 2007) British journalist, art critic & author
Communication Sex

Include me out.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Communication Misspokements Speech

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
Corollary: Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the boss is reading it.

Communication Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Problems

Corduroy pillows: They’re making headlines!

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Things Wordplay

I went to [a bookstore] and asked the woman for a book about turtles; she said ‘hardback?’ and I was like, ‘yeah, and little heads.

British comedian
Books Communication Wordplay

Racehorse: A barn athlete.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

Freudian Slip: When you say one thing but mean your mother.

Communication Definitions

If Miss means respectably unmarried, and Mrs. respectably married, then Ms. means nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

(1940 – 1992) English writer
Language Marriage Sex

I quit my job at the helium gas factory – I didn’t like being spoken to in that voice.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Miscellaneous Speech

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Communication Language

With the newspaper strike on, I wouldn't consider dying.

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater
Communication Death Reading/Writing

If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient; it may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.

fictional character from the book series by A. A. Milne
Communication Speech

People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.

British stand-up comedian
Communication Things Wordplay

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

One could not even dignify him with the name of a stuffed shirt; he was simply a hole on the air.

Eric Arthur Blair (1903 – 50) English author & journalist
Communication Insults