Subject: Communication (Page 78)

Ways to Relieve Stress #10: Make up a language and ask people for directions.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Emotions Language

You break into my house… my wife will shoot you, and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Arms Speech Things

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Books Communication Death Reading/Writing

Smuggler: One who neglects his duty to his country.

Definitions Wordplay

One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Books Communication Reading/Writing

Alphabet: A toy for children found in books, blocks, pictures, and some soup.

Communication Definitions Language

It was so quiet, you could hear a pun drop.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Communication Language

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Mouth: In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

As soon as you mention something, if it's good, it goes away; if it's bad, it happens.

Characteristics Communication Murphy’s Laws Speech

Interpreter: A ventriloquist using two dummies.

Communication Definitions Language

I asked the barmaid for a quickie; the man next to me said, 'It's pronounced quiche.'


Communication Food/Drink Places Speech

Shut up and talk.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Communication Conversation Speech Yogi-isms

Consult: To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

The more boring and out-of-date the magazines in the waiting room, the longer you will have to wait for your scheduled appointment.

Health Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing Time

It was hard to have a conversation with anyone; there were so many people talking.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Communication Conversation Speech Yogi-isms

A bore is one who has the power of speech but not the capacity for conversation.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Characteristics Communication Conversation People Speech

He doesn't remember any silent days in motion pictures – the director always yelled.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Communication Entertainment Film Speech

I married way too young… she was Chinese.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

I see cards that say ‘Get Well Soon’ … F**k that, get well now!

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Health

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men, and I just want to say to the authors of that study "Duh."

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Communication Language Men People Women