Subject: Communication (Page 85)

The perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian
Wordplay

Don't abbrev.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?


Communication Reading/Writing

Writing is easy; all you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.

(1890 – 1960) journalist, author & dramatist
Communication Reading/Writing

No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut.

(1882 – 1961) politician
Communication Language Situations

I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’… you probably saw our posters.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Situations

Join clauses good like a conjunction should.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Communication Wordplay

Quadruplets: Four crying out loud.

Children Definitions Wordplay

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of William Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

Communication Reading/Writing

Announce: Thirty grams or a sixteenth of a pound.

Definitions Wordplay

Barber: A brilliant conversationalist who cuts hair for a sideline.

Conversation Definitions Occupations

Out of the mouths of babes come things parents never should have said.

Children Communication Family Speech

Obesity: A surplus gone to waist.

Appearance Body Definitions Fat Wordplay

It’s a very good historical book about history.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Books Communication History Misspokements

A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.

William Sydney Porter (1862 – 1910) American writer
Communication Elections/Voting

Mouth: In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Include me out.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Communication Misspokements Speech

He strains his conversation through a cigar.

(1846–1916) American essayist, editor, critic & lecturer
Communication Conversation Insults Speech

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Communication Dating Relationships Wordplay

Quickly, bring me a beaker of wine, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever.

(450 BC – 388 BC) Greek Athenian comic playwright
Alcohol Food/Drink Speech Wisdom