Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Communication
(Page 86)
I’m writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Books
Communication
Reading/Writing
Autobiographies
When a person says that, in the interest of saving time, he will summarize his prepared statement, he will talk only three times as long as if he had read the statement in the first place.
Otten's Law of Testimony
Communication
Murphy’s Laws
Speech
Time
Summaries
An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows.
Dwight D. 'Ike' Eisenhower
(1890 – 1969) 34th U.S. president, U.S. Army General
Communication
Intelligence
Speech
Intellectuals
I believe in talking behind peoples’ backs; that way, they hear it more than once.
Fran Lebowitz
(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication
Speech
Gossip
The man who says "I may be wrong, but… " does not believe there can be any such possibility.
Frank ‘Kin’ Hubbard
(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Communication
Just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome; it started off badly, but by the end I really liked it.
Kenneth Dodd
(1927 – 2018) British comedian, singer & songwriter
Books
Communication
Reading/Writing
Wordplay
Stockholm Syndrome
I think that people who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
Jerry Seinfeld
(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Communication
Lies
Reading/Writing
Newspapers
Tabloids
Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
Steve Martin
(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Activities
Communication
Dance
Entertainment
Music
Speech
Architecture
A lot of people are very critical of modern reproductive processes without understanding all the ins and outs.
Robert (Lord) Winston
(1940 – ) English professor, medical doctor, scientist & politician
Sex
Wordplay
Cat: A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals
Cats
Communication
Definitions
Language
Anyone who says, 'You had to be there,' should just not have told you the thing in the first place because it's not funny.
Paul Tompkins
(1968 – ) American actor & comedian
Communication
Laughter
Situations
Humor
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