Subject: Communication » Speech (Page 14)

Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted.

(1887 – 1964) British actor, writer & theater director

Men's tonsils, please.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

I asked the barmaid for a quickie; the man next to me said, 'It's pronounced quiche.'


Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer

You speak it the same way you speak English, you just use different words.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)

The less you say, the less you have to take back.

In no time, it will be a forgotten memory.

(1879 – 1974) film producer

The first coherent line ever spoken was ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor

A lot of people think kids say the darnedest things, but so would you if you had no education.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker

The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

(1898 – 1981) actor, singer, songwriter & movie producer

They stayed away in droves.

(1879 – 1974) film producer

Her tongue is so long she could lick a skillet from the front porch.

All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER.

(1957 – ) American actor, comedian, writer & director

The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician

Congress is so strange; a man gets up to speak and says nothing – nobody listens—and then everybody disagrees.

(1898 – 1967) Russian writer

No speech can be entirely bad if it is short enough.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.

(1919 – 2011) American news commentator & writer

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

The first sentence that I was taught to say by my parents as a little boy was: “Of course I know that I’m wrong.”

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me… it's gossip.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist

Ventriloquist: A man who never speaks for himself.