Subject: Conflict » Arms

Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

Arms Military Money Murphy’s Laws

You’ll get my assault weapon when you pry it out of my curious six-year-old’s cold dead hands.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Arms Conflict Things

Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Arms Conflict Time

It’s not living alone if you keep a rifle under the bed.

(1962 – ) writer & journalist
Arms Life Things

One failed attempt at a shoe bomb and we all take off our shoes at the airport; thirty-one school shootings since Columbine and no change in our regulation of guns.

(1977 – ) British political comedian & television host
Arms Conflict TV/Movie Quotes

Smart bombs have bad days too.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws

Guns don't kill people; it's those bullets ripping through the body.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Arms Conflict Death

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85; that’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

(1932 – 2017) comedian, social activist, critic & writer
Arms Conflict

The United States has developed a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing; it's called the stock market.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Arms Conflict Money

Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Arms Entertainment Music

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Arms Sports

We should develop anti-satellite weapons because we could not have prevailed without them in 'Red Storm Rising.'

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Arms Books Communication Reading/Writing Things

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers; I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Arms Fear Men People Things

In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students… there were no survivors.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Arms Conflict

Buying my wife a gun is sort of like me saying, 'You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise.'

(1963 – ) American stand-up comedian
Arms Conflict Killing Situations

The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.

(1972 – ) English standup comedian, writer & actor
Animals Arms Government Things

I like going to the park and watching the children run and jump around, because you see, they don't know I'm using blanks.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Arms Children People Things

There are some circles in America where it seems to be more socially acceptable to carry a handgun than a packet of cigarettes.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
America Arms Situations Things

You break into my house… my wife will shoot you, and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Arms Speech Things

Firearms groups across the country have declared today the first annual Gun Appreciation Day…. so don’t forget to set your clock back 100 years.

(1973 – ) American comedian, actor & television host
Arms TV/Movie Quotes

Tracers work BOTH ways.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws