Subject: Conflict (Page 10)

If we had less statesmanship we could get along with fewer battleships.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Arms Conflict Government Military Things War

Some of my best friends are thieves; why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Conflict Crime People

Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.

Conflict Crime People

Wife Regrets Staying With Man She Killed

Conflict Headlines Wives

If it is worth fighting for, it is worth fighting dirty for.

Conflict Fights Murphy’s Laws

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.


Conflict Intelligence Killing People Stupidity

They say that guns don't kill people, people kill people, but I think the guns help.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Arms Conflict Killing

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.

(c. 620 – 564 BC) Greek slave and author of over 600 fables
Conflict Government Politicians

Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder?… 'cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Conflict Killing People Rednecks

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose… it'll be much harder to detect.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Conflict

When in doubt, empty the magazine.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws

The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that its against the law.

Crime Place Names

I haven’t heard the president state that we’re at war… that’s why I too am not knowing… do we use the term intervention?… do we use war?… do we use squirmish?… what is it?

(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author
Conflict Misspokements

It's a proven fact that capital punishment is a well-known detergent to crime.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Crime Malaprops

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

Conflict Headlines

My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice; for ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Communication Family Fathers Killing Mothers Speech

A gun is not a weapon, it's a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Arms TV/Movie Quotes

Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons!

Arms Conflict Military Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Arms People Things

Go to L.A. – they got gangbangers that will stab you, and then go to the corner and wait for the light to turn green.

American stand-up comedian
Conflict People Places

Many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Crime Government Law People