Subject: Conflict (Page 11)

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me; I said, “Well, what do you need?”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Arms Canada Places Things

Shoplifter: A person with a gift of grab.

Conflict Crime Definitions

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Conflict Future Things Time War

Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws

Someone once told me that every minute a murder occurs, so I don’t want to waste your time, I know you want to go back to work.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Conflict Entertainment Film Time

Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Conflict Fights

A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

Arms Games Murphy’s Laws Things

Convict: The only person who likes to be stopped in the middle of a sentence.

Crime Definitions

Two mothers-in-law.

(1832 – 1900) Irish statesman
Conflict Crime Marriage

As through this world I've wandered I've seen lots of funny men; some will rob you with a six-gun, and some with a fountain pen.

(1912 – 1967) American singer-songwriter & folk musician
Communication Conflict Crime Reading/Writing

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

Murphy’s Laws War

Many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Crime Government Law People

Outside of the killings, [Washington] has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.

(1936 – ) American politician, Mayor of Washington, D.C.
Conflict Crime Misspokements

Some of my best friends are thieves; why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Conflict Crime People

I haven’t heard the president state that we’re at war… that’s why I too am not knowing… do we use the term intervention?… do we use war?… do we use squirmish?… what is it?

(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author
Conflict Misspokements

Shoplifting: Free enterprise.

Conflict Crime Definitions

Have you heard about the woman who stabbed her husband thirty-seven times? … I admire her restraint.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Conflict Marriage Wives

There are two sides to every argument, and they’re usually married to each other.

Communication Conflict Marriage Speech

All humor is based on hostility – that’s why World War II was funny.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Conflict Emotions War

I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Crime

Wife Regrets Staying With Man She Killed

Conflict Headlines Wives