Subject: Conflict (Page 2)

If you can’t beat them, arrange 
to have them beaten

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Conflict Fights

Murder is a crime – describing murder is not; sex is not a crime – describing sex is.

(1917 – 1999) American sexologist
Communication Conflict Crime Language Reading/Writing

Black folk ain't going to kill over and over and over again; that's too much like work; that's a career.

(1963 – ) American comedian
Conflict Killing

I’ve been temping at the job that laid me off, and that’s awkward because everybody knows I got canned, and they think I’ve come back to shoot them.

stand-up comedian & writer
Conflict Situations Work

I’m not a fighter; I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Autos Conflict Fights Things

One of my friends went on a murder weekend… now he is doing life for it.

(1961 – ) English standup comedian, actor & writer
Activities Crime

The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

Military Murphy’s Laws War

Revolution: An abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict Definitions Government

Do not needlessly endanger your lives until I give you the signal.

(1890 – 1969) 34th U.S. president, U.S. Army General
Conflict War

Army recruiter: Have you ever been convicted of a felony or a misdemeanor? That’s robbery, rape, car theft, that sort of thing.

Ziskey: Never convicted.

(1944 – 2014) American actor, director & writer
Crime TV/Movie Quotes

Probably the toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Conflict Killing Life People Time

The first thing we do, let’s kill the lawyers.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
Government Killing Law Lawyers

Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Arms Entertainment Music

When I take action, I'm not going to fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Conflict Government War

If it weren’t for marriage, husband and wives would have to fight with strangers.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Conflict Fights Marriage

Many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Crime Government Law People

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me; I said, “Well, what do you need?”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Arms Canada Places Things

Those who beat their swords into plowshares will plow for those who don't.

Arms Government Military Murphy’s Laws

Guns don't kill people; it's those bullets ripping through the body.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Arms Conflict Death

Here's to Johnny quite a guy. Very sad he had to die. All was well could not be better, Till he wrote my girl a letter.

Conflict Epitaphs Girlfriends Killing

What’s a Jewish mobster?… ‘I’m going to break the legs of your therapist.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Conflict People