Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Conflict
(Page 3)
It’s not living alone if you keep a rifle under the bed.
Chuck Palahniuk
(1962 – ) writer & journalist
Arms
Life
Things
Bed
Rifle
Last week North Korea publicly admitted for the first time it has nuclear weapons; the Bush administration has so far shown very little concern, as the North Korean missiles are believed only capable of reaching the Blue States.
Jon Stewart
(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Conflict
Blue states
George W. Bush
On North Korea's nuclear weapons program
Black folk ain't going to kill over and over and over again; that's too much like work; that's a career.
Sheryl Underwood
(1963 – ) American comedian
Conflict
Killing
Blacks
Serial killers
People say I have the legs of a dancer. But until they find the rest of the body, the cops have nothing on me, man!
Stewart Francis
Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Conflict
Crime
Situations
God is not on the side of the big battalions, but on the side of those who shoot best.
Voltaire
(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Conflict
God
War
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Conflict
Killing
Nobel Peace Prize
We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.
Dwight D. 'Ike' Eisenhower
(1890 – 1969) 34th U.S. president, U.S. Army General
Conflict
Oxymorons
Peace
I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Chris Rock
(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
Conflict
Places
Neighborhoods
Shootings
When in doubt, empty the magazine.
A Murphy's Military Law
Arms
Military
Murphy’s Laws
Ammunition
She changes prices. I caught her in a near
misdemeanus.
Archie Bunker
television character,
All In the Family
(Carroll O’Connor)
Crime
Misspokements
Misdemeanor
A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.
Robert Frost
(1874 – 1963) American poet
Characteristics
Conflict
Government
Politics
Arguments
Fairness
Liberals
'Bush and Son: Leading America to War Since 1990.'
Laura Kightlinger
(1969 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
America
Conflict
War
Family business
Presidents Bush
Thieves respect property; they merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.
G.K. Chesterton
(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Conflict
Crime
Thieves
The fights you avoid do you far more good than the ones you will win.
Anonymous
Conflict
Fights
Proverbs
I haven’t heard the president state that we’re at war… that’s why I too am not knowing… do we use the term intervention?… do we use war?… do we use squirmish?… what is it?
Sarah Palin
(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author
Conflict
Misspokements
On the U.S. and NATO bombing of Libya
Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and selling your story to T.V.!
Alfred E. Neuman
fictional mascot and cover boy of
Mad
, an American humor magazine
Conflict
Crime
Entertainment
Television
Shoplifter Who Soiled Clothes Fails to Wipe Record Clean
In Keokuk IA
Crime
Headlines
The world is a place that’s gone from being flat to round to crooked.
Alfred E. Neuman
fictional mascot and cover boy of
Mad
, an American humor magazine
Crime
Honesty
Places
World
The real trouble with war (modern war) is that it gives no one a chance to kill the right people.
Ezra Pound
(1885 – 1972) expatriate American poet & critic
Conflict
Killing
People
War
All men are afraid of eyelash curlers; I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Arms
Fear
Men
People
Things
Eyelash curlers
My parents only had one argument in forty-five years; it lasted forty-three years.
Cathy Ladman
American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor
Conflict
Parents
Relationships
Time
Srguments
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