Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Conflict
(Page 3)
I really wish ISIS would stop playing violent video games and listening to Marilyn Manson.
Eric Lampaert
European comedian & actor
Conflict
People
War
ISIS
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Animals
Conflict
Situations
Sleep
Calf
Lion
I've had 117 fights and that's the first time I've ever won.
Jimmy Piersall
(1929 – ) American baseball player who had a well-publicized bipolar disorder
Baseball
Conflict
Fights
Sports
Remember the good old days when the only bomb you had to worry about on a plane was the Rob Schneider movie?
Jay Leno
(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Arms
Conflict
Entertainment
Film
Airplanes
Bombs
Rob Schneider
Firearms groups across the country have declared today the first annual Gun Appreciation Day…. so don’t forget to set your clock back 100 years.
Seth Meyers
(1973 – ) American comedian, actor & television host
Arms
TV/Movie Quotes
Kissinger bought peace to Vietnam the same way Napoleon brought peace to to Europe: by losing.
Joseph Heller
(1923 – 1999) American satirical novelist, short story writer & playwright
Conflict
Henry Kissinger
Peace
Gun-free zones kill people
Headline
Arms
Conflict
Headlines
Guns
War without France would be like… World War II.
Anonymous
Conflict
Places
War
France
The
perferator
of the crime was apprehended by the police.
Anonymous
Crime
Malaprops
Perpetrator
God invented football so grown men would have something to do between wars.
Dan Jenkins
(1929 – ) American author & sportswriter
Conflict
Football
Sports
War
Pickpocket: A man who believes that every crowd has a silver lining.
Anonymous
Crime
Definitions
Pickpocket
I do have some sad news to report: Bjork could not be here; she was trying on her Oscars dress and Dick Cheney shot her.
Jon Stewart
(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Conflict
at the Academy Awards
Dick Cheney
Shooting
Here’s how easy it was to get away with bank robbery back in the ‘30s… as long as you weren’t still there when the police arrived, you had a 99% change of getting away with it.
John Mulaney
(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Conflict
Crime
All five-second grenade fuses will burn down in three seconds.
A Murphy's Military Law
Arms
Military
Murphy’s Laws
All I know is, finally I get to kill somebody.
Conrad Dunn
American actor
Conflict
Killing
TV/Movie Quotes
As Francis ‘Psycho’ Soyer in “Stripes”
War has become a luxury that only small nations can afford.
Hannah Arendt
(1906 – 1975) German-born American political theorist
Conflict
War
Desert combat?… I can't even stand the walk back from the beach to the car.
Paul Gilmartin
comedian, television host & actor
Conflict
War
Desert combat
Mugger: A benevolent citizen of the streets who frequently spares the lives of total strangers in exchange for any cash and valuables in their possession.
Crime
Definitions
Mugger
When there’s a single thief, it's robbery; when there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.
Vanya Cohen
Crime
Government
Taxes
You can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs.
Stalin's Law
Conflict
Food/Drink
Murphy’s Laws
It's possible to disagree with someone about the ethics of non-violence without wanting to kick his face in.
Christopher Hampton
(1946 – ) British playwright, screen writer & film director
Conflict
Fights
Disagree
Non-violence
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