Subject: Conflict (Page 3)

Incoming fire has the right of way.

Military Murphy’s Laws War

The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.

Military Murphy’s Laws War

Marriage, in life, is like a duel in the midst of a battle.

(1828 – 1885) French novelist, publicist & journalist
Conflict Life Marriage

Starting a war in the name of peace is like poking a hole in a balloon to get more air into it.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Conflict War

The Falklands incident was a quarrel between two bald men over a comb.

(1899 – 1986) Argentine writer, essayist, poet & translator
Conflict War

Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion.


(1934 – 2012) American army general
Conflict Places War

In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students… there were no survivors.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Arms Conflict

Scooter Libby was found guilty of perjury, obstruction, and making false statements… or, as the White House calls it, a press conference.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Crime Government Law

It's the only place in the world where you walk in and the first thing you do is steal everything before you take your coat off.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Crime Places

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Conflict Marriage War

Never worry about the bullet with your name on it; instead, worry about shrapnel addressed to 'occupant.’

Conflict Government Military Murphy’s Laws War

Firearms groups across the country have declared today the first annual Gun Appreciation Day…. so don’t forget to set your clock back 100 years.

(1973 – ) American comedian, actor & television host
Arms TV/Movie Quotes

Kleptomaniac: A person who helps himself because he can't help himself.

(1915 – 1994) American actor
Conflict Crime

To avoid robbery, certainly rock the rocker room and keep the rocker key with you all the time. Also, we will not take any responsibility for the robbery.

Crime Signs Translations

Interviewer: Can you imagine yourself killing another human.

Sedaris: Not a stranger.

(1956 – ) American humorist, comedian & author
Conflict Killing

Desert combat?… I can't even stand the walk back from the beach to the car.

comedian, television host & actor
Conflict War

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Killing

Automatic weapons – aren’t.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Fights Things

Many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Crime Government Law People

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Individuals Killing People