Subject: Conflict (Page 6)

I got up the other day and everything in my apartment was stolen and replaced with an exact replica.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Crime Things

Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Conflict Killing Men People Women

The sloppier the rebel uniform, the more likely the overthrow of the existing government.

Appearance Clothing Conflict Murphy’s Laws

I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Conflict Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes War

I don’t worry about terrorism… I was married for two years.

(1953 – 1992) American comedian
Conflict Marriage

During the feminist seventies men were caught between a rock and a hard-on; in the fathering eighties they are caught between good hugs and bad hugs.

(1936 – ) novelist, essayist & columnist
Conflict Men Past Women

When there’s a single thief, it's robbery; when there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.

Crime Government Taxes

Don’t worry about the war; it’s all over but the shooting.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Malaprops War

American couples have gone to such lengths to avoid the interference of in-laws that they have to pay marriage counselors to interfere between them.

(1936 – ) novelist, essayist & columnist
Conflict Husbands Marriage Wives

Pickpocket: A man who believes that every crowd has a silver lining.

Crime Definitions

Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come.

Carl Sandburg (1878 – 1967) biographer & poet
Conflict People War

Pacifist: A fellow who could attend a peace conference without getting into a fight.

Conflict Definitions Fights People

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Conflict Marriage War

At the end of the Peterson trial, my daughter turns to me and she goes, 'Daddy, are you going to kill Mommy?'… 'Oh, honey – that's up to Mommy, isn't it?'

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Conflict Killing Marriage Wives

These days, the problem with many neighborhoods is that there're more hoods than neighbors!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Conflict Crime People

Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder?… 'cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Conflict Killing People Rednecks

All lawyers are cut from the same cloth: fleece.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Crime Government Law Lawyers

Many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Crime Government Law People

Those who beat their swords into plowshares will plow for those who don't.

Arms Government Military Murphy’s Laws

No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Animals Cats Conflict Fights

I've had 117 fights and that's the first time I've ever won.

(1929 – ) American baseball player who had a well-publicized bipolar disorder
Baseball Conflict Fights Sports