Subject: Conflict (Page 8)

If you can’t beat them, arrange 
to have them beaten

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Conflict Fights

Kissinger bought peace to Vietnam the same way Napoleon brought peace to to Europe: by losing.

(1923 – 1999) American satirical novelist, short story writer & playwright
Conflict

Black folk ain't going to kill over and over and over again; that's too much like work; that's a career.

(1963 – ) American comedian
Conflict Killing

You might be a redneck if… you got into a fistfight at your last yard sale.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Conflict Fights People Rednecks

The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

Military Murphy’s Laws War

Kill: To create a vacancy without nominating a successor.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Death Definitions Killing

Kleptomaniac: A person who helps himself because he can't help himself.

(1915 – 1994) American actor
Conflict Crime

I like going to the park and watching the children run and jump around, because you see, they don't know I'm using blanks.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Arms Children People Things

The Middle Eastern states aren’t nations, they’re quarrels with borders.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Conflict Fights Places

Probably the toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Conflict Killing Life People Time

Only the winners decide what were war crimes.

(1934 – ) American author, journalist & historian
Conflict Crime War

I’ve been temping at the job that laid me off, and that’s awkward because everybody knows I got canned, and they think I’ve come back to shoot them.

stand-up comedian & writer
Conflict Situations Work

Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Arms Entertainment Music

Murderers – stop murdering; everyone will die eventually… just sit down and be patient.

(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Death Killing

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Activities Conflict Fights Hockey Sports

[My husband] and I are always fighting; when we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Conflict Marriage Problems

Riot: A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict Definitions

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Conflict Housework Husbands Marriage Proverbs

Capital Punishment: Killing people who kill people to prove that killing people is wrong.

Crime Death Definitions Killing

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Conflict Marriage War

Woman Charged With Stealing Underwear, Cheese

Crime Headlines