Subject: Conflict (Page 9)

It’s better to be tried by twelve men than to be carried by six.

Conflict Crime Death Government Law Murphy’s Laws

God is not on the side of the big battalions, but on the side of those who shoot best.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Conflict God War

Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Conflict Food/Drink Killing

Cold War: Hot peace.

Conflict Definitions

I would never hit a woman – even if she had a knife or a stutter.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Conflict

Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws

I was once arrested for resisting arrest.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Conflict

Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.

Conflict Murphy’s Laws

I’ve been temping at the job that laid me off, and that’s awkward because everybody knows I got canned, and they think I’ve come back to shoot them.

stand-up comedian & writer
Conflict Situations Work

It's hard to fight when you're in a gazebo.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Conflict Fights

I really wish ISIS would stop playing violent video games and listening to Marilyn Manson.

European comedian & actor
Conflict People War

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Conflict People War

The surest way to become a pacifist is to join the infantry.

(1921 – 2003) American editorial cartoonist
Conflict Government Military War

Only the winners decide what were war crimes.

(1934 – ) American author, journalist & historian
Conflict Crime War

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Appearance Conflict Fights Individuals People Ugly

On the downside, it's loaded with sexual predators; on the plus side, it's also loaded with sexual prey.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Crime Science/Weather Sex

At this point we should just make it the 51st state: Welcome to Iraqachusetts: live free and die.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Conflict Government War

My luck is getting worse and worse.. last night, for instance, I was mugged by a Quaker.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Conflict Crime

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Individuals Killing People

Murderers – stop murdering; everyone will die eventually… just sit down and be patient.

(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Death Killing

Two mothers-in-law.

(1832 – 1900) Irish statesman
Conflict Crime Marriage