Subject: Death (Page 13)

I wish I was skiing.
Nurse: Oh, Mr. Laurel, do you ski?
No, but I'd rather be skiing than doing what I'm doing.

(1890 – 1965) English comic actor, writer & director (of Laurel & Hardy)
Last words

This isn't Hamlet, you know. It's not meant to go into the bloody ear.

(1907 – 1989) English actor, director & producer
Last words

Die? … My dear Doctor, that's the last thing I shall do!

(1784 – 1865) English statesman
Death Epitaphs

I still live.

(1782 – 1852) American statesman, senator (Massachusetts) & writer
Last words

If anyone cries at my funeral, I will never speak to him again.

(1890 – 1965) English comic actor, writer & director (of Laurel & Hardy)
Death

Don’t think of it as dying; just think of it as leaving early to avoid the rush.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Death

It's beating – beating – beating – it's stopped.

(1708 – 1777) was a Swiss anatomist, physiologist, naturalist & poet
Last words

I did not know that we had ever quarreled.

(1817 – 1862) American author, poet, philosopher,, naturalist & historian
Last words

I am going.

(1899 – 1982) King of Swaziland
Last words

A dying man can do nothing easily.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Last words

I remember what my grandmother said to me on her deathbed: She said: ‘I wish I’d bought a normal bed.’

British stand-up comedian, writer & actor
Communication Death Last words Wordplay

I forgot something.

(1918 – 1967) American founder of the American Nazi Party
Last words

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death People Self Sex

The Senate seems like the place where smart people go to die.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Death Government Politicians

Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it.

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Death

Show my head to the people.  It is worth seeing.

(1759 – 1794) influential figure in the French Revolution
Last words

The best way to get praise is to die.

Death Proverbs

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Death Things Time

Thank God. I'm tired of being the funniest person in the room.

(1934 – 1999) American actor, improviser, writer & teacher
Last words

Now comes the mystery.

(1813 – 1887) American clergyman, social reformer & abolitionist
Last words

Oblituaries

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Death Malaprops