Death | Just-One-Liners.com

Subject: Death (Page 13)

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Death Husbands Marriage Relationships Grandmothers Napping

I don’t want to die in the middle of the football season; I have to know who’s No. 1 in the last polls.

'Beano' Cook

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator

Death Football Sports

Live each day as if it were your last… because one day, you’ll be right.

Benny Hill

(1924 – 1992) English comedian & actor

Death Life Time

The good Lord never gives you more than you can handle… unless you die of something.

Dick Guindon

(1935 – ) American cartoonist

Beliefs Death God Life Problems

I hope the exit is joyful and hope never to return.

Frida Kahlo de Rivera

(1907 – 1954) Mexican painter

Last words

Money still talks these days… trouble is, you have to increase the volume alot!

Alfred E. Neuman

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Death Money Time

My vocabulary did this to me. Your love will let you go on…

Jack Spicer

(1925 - 1965) American poet

Last words Spoken to fellow poet Robin Blaser in a near-coma brought on by Spicer's alcoholism.

Be careful about reading health books for you may die of a misprint.

Markus Herz

(1747 – 1803) German Jewish physician & lecturer on philosophy

Books Communication Death Health Reading/Writing Misprint

So here it is!

Cleopatra VII

(69 BC – 30 BC) last pharaoh of Ancient Egypt

Last words "It" was the small asp which she allowed to bite her.

Immortality – a fate worse than death.

Edgar A. Shoaff

Death Life Fate Immortality

On the contrary!

Henrik Ibsen

(1828 – 1906) Norwegian playwright, theatre director & poet

Last words His response to a nurse who told a visitor he was a little better.

Now I'm oiled. Keep me from the rats.

Pietro Aretino

(1492 – 1556) Italian author, playwright, poet & satirist

Last words A fit of laughter provoked a stroke and Aretino was unconscious when a priest administered last rites. No sooner had he finished when Aretino opened his eyes and spoke his final lines and expired.

I thought it was in terribly bad taste for him to die when he did.

Terry Jones

(1942 – ) English comic, actor (Monty Python's Flying Circus)

Death On friend Graham Chapman's dying on the eve of the Pythons' 20th anniversary

I'm tired of fighting! I guess this thing is going to get me.

Harry Houdini

born Erik Weisz (1874 – 1926) Hungarian-born American magician, stunt performer & escape artist

Last words Houdini is often said to have died after being punched in the stomach and though this is true such a blow could not have caused his appendix to burst which was the cause of his death.

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

George Carlin

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Death Eulogies Listening

When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.

Samuel Johnson

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer

Death Future Intelligence Time Hanging

I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch; my grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

Woody Allen

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Death Situations Grandfathers Watch

Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die.

Joe Louis

(1914 – 1981) American boxing champion

Death Heaven

Ya look like one of those pall buriers at a funeral.

Archie Bunker

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Death Malaprops Pall bearers

You sons of bitches, give my love to Mother!

Francis ‘Two Gun’ Crowley

(1912 - 1932) American convicted murderer & career criminal