Death | Just-One-Liners.com

Subject: Death (Page 14)

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Garrison Keillor

(1942 – ) humorist & radio broadcaster

I thought it was in terribly bad taste for him to die when he did.

Terry Jones

(1942 – ) English comic, actor (Monty Python's Flying Circus)

Death On friend Graham Chapman's dying on the eve of the Pythons' 20th anniversary

Death is an acquired trait.

Woody Allen

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Death

I just wish I had time for one more bowl of chili.

‘Kit’ Carson

(1809 – 1868) American frontiersman & scout

Last words Also reported as "Adios compadres" Subject of dispute

There have been times when I’ve thought about it – but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution.

Woody Allen

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Death Suicide

Death is not the end; there remains the litigation over the estate.

Ambrose Bierce

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Death

I don’t want to die before my parents die, especially my mother, because I don’t want her to get the chance to pick out what I’m going to wear for eternity.

Jon Stewart

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

Death

Don't be in such a hurry.

Billie Holiday

(1915 – 1959) American jazz singer & songwriter

Last words She died from heart failure caused by cirrhosis of the liver.

Don't ask me how I am! I understand nothing more.

Hans Christian Andersen

(1805 – 1875) Danish author & poet noted for his children's stories

Last words

I'm so bored with it all.

Winston Churchill

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

Last words Before slipping into a coma and dying nine days later.

Hurrah for anarchy! This is the happiest moment of my life.

George Engel

(1836 – 1887) German born anarchist & labor union activist

Last words Shouted before his execution at the gallows

We think he’s dead, but we’re afraid to ask.

Anonymous committee member

Death Of the 79-year-old chairman of a house committee in Washington

Now I'm oiled. Keep me from the rats.

Pietro Aretino

(1492 – 1556) Italian author, playwright, poet & satirist

Last words A fit of laughter provoked a stroke and Aretino was unconscious when a priest administered last rites. No sooner had he finished when Aretino opened his eyes and spoke his final lines and expired.

This is absurd! This is absurd!

Sigmund Freud

(1856 – 1939) Austrian neurologist, father of psychoanalysis

Last words Suffering from cancer – he died by physician-assisted suicide.

I wonder why he shot me.

Huey Long

(1893 – 1935) U.S. governor & senator (Louisiana)

Last words Shot and killed by the son-in-law of a former political opponent

Being Dead Is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies’ Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral

Gayden Metcalfe & Charlotte Hays

Book Titles Death Funerals

Absolutely not!

Montgomery Clift

(1920 – 1966) American film & stage actor

Last words After being asked if he wanted to watch "The Misfits" a movie in which he appeared

I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch; my grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

Woody Allen

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Death Situations Grandfathers Watch

I am off in search of the great perhaps.

François Rabelais

(c.1494 – 1553) French Renaissance writer, doctor, monk & Greek scholar

Last words Subject of dispute

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

Mark Twain

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Communication Death Exaggerations

Okay, I won’t.

Elvis Presley

(1935 – 1977) American singer

Last words To fiancée Ginger Alden. She had told him when he was on the way to the bathroom “Don’t fall asleep in there.”

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Subject: Death (Page 14)

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

I thought it was in terribly bad taste for him to die when he did.

Death is an acquired trait.

I just wish I had time for one more bowl of chili.

There have been times when I’ve thought about it – but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution.

Death is not the end; there remains the litigation over the estate.

I don’t want to die before my parents die, especially my mother, because I don’t want her to get the chance to pick out what I’m going to wear for eternity.

Don't be in such a hurry.

Don't ask me how I am! I understand nothing more.

I'm so bored with it all.

Hurrah for anarchy! This is the happiest moment of my life.

We think he’s dead, but we’re afraid to ask.

Now I'm oiled. Keep me from the rats.

This is absurd! This is absurd!

I wonder why he shot me.

Being Dead Is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies’ Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral

Absolutely not!

I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch; my grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

I am off in search of the great perhaps.

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

Okay, I won’t.