Subject: Death (Page 16)

Don’t think of it as dying; just think of it as leaving early to avoid the rush.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Death

Everybody has to die, but I always believed an exception would be made in my case.

(1908 – 1981) American dramatist & author
Death

This is the first time authorities helped me escape prison.

(c.1914 – 1947) American convicted murderer
Last words

Do you think we should drive a stake through his heart just in case?

(1904 – 1964) Austrian-Hungarian actor
Death

If you want your name spelled wrong, die.

Communication Death Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

A king should die standing.

(1755 – 1824) King of France
Last words

Hurry up, you Hoosier bastard, I could kill ten men while you're fooling about!

(1891 – 1930) American serial killer, arsonist & burglar
Last words

My young son asked me what happens after we die; I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies; I guess I should have told him the truth – that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally, but I didn't want to upset him.

Death

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Death

This is how you die.

(1883 – 1971) French fashion designer & founder of the Chanel brand
Death Last words

If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is — he’s the reason you all live underground.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Death Future People Time

My granny was recently beaten to death by my grandad; not as in, ‘with a stick’… he just died first.

(1978 – ) British comedian
Death

When I hear that a man is religious, I conclude he is a rascal!

(1711 – 1776) Scottish philosopher, historian, economist & essayist
Last words

When I die, I hope to go to heaven… whatever the hell that is.

(1905 – 1982) Russian-American novelist, playwright & philosopher
Death

I intend to live forever… or die trying.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Death Life

Never drive at night.

(1834 - 1902) American manufacturer
Last words

Before he died my father told me he never really walked to school without any shoes.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
Death Fathers School Situations

And always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said, “A truck!”

(1956 – ) American comedian
Communication Death Family Language Last words

It's beating – beating – beating – it's stopped.

(1708 – 1777) was a Swiss anatomist, physiologist, naturalist & poet
Last words

If I were a grave-digger, or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

(1803 – 1857) English writer
Death Insults Occupations People Work

Epitaph: A belated advertisement for a line of goods that has been permanently discontinued.

Death Definitions