Subject: Death (Page 17)

Give Death Panels a Chance

Death Signs

Why do men die before their wives? … Could it be because they want to?

(1967 – ) English comedian
Death Husbands Marriage Wives

… and now for a final word from our sponsor…

(? – 2000) television writer (Days of Our Lives)
Last words

 I heard doctors revived a man who had been dead for 4½ minutes – when they asked him what it was like being dead, he said it was like listening to Yankees announcer Phil Rizzuto during a rain delay.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Baseball Death Health Sports

Any man who has $10,000 left when he dies is a failure.

(1909 – 1959) Australian-born American actor
Death Life Money

I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers – they’re going to make a game out of it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Activities Death Games People Self

Firefly: Not that I care, but where is your husband?
Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead.
Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Death TV/Movie Quotes

I've had a hell of a lot of fun and I've enjoyed every minute of it.

(1909 – 1959) Australian-born American actor
Last words

[Memorial services are the] cocktail parties of the geriatric set.

(1902 – 1983) English actor
Age Death Entertainment

Most people my age are dead at the present time.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Age Death Life Misspokements Old People Time

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics Death People Self

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die; I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help."

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Death Entertainment Television

When I die, I want it to be on my 100the birthday, in my beach house on Maui and I want my husband to be so upset he has to drop out of college.

(1961 – ) American actress
Death Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

Serkin was so sick he almost died for three days.

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist
Death Health Misspokements

It proves what Harry always said: give the public what they want and they'll come out for it.

(1913 – 1997) American comedian & radio & television host
Death Insults

I tried to hang myself with bungee cord… I kept almost dying.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Death

I did not know that we had ever quarreled.

(1817 – 1862) American author, poet, philosopher,, naturalist & historian
Last words

Immortality – a fate worse than death.


Death Life

He always regarded death as highly overrated and could never understand why anybody made such a fuss about it.

(1943 – ) English comedian, writer, television host & actor
Death

The show which, alas, every actor has to miss is his own memorial service.

(1908 – 1992) English actor
Death Entertainment

If you stop eating donuts you will live three years longer; it’s just three more years that you want a donut.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Death Food/Drink Life