Subject: Death (Page 18)

Tell the boys I'm coming home.

(1901 – 1934) American burglar & bank robber
Last words

Jolson’s funeral was widely attended by those who wanted to make sure.

(1898 – 1981) actor, singer, songwriter & movie producer
Death

I did not get my Spaghetti-O's, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.

Taylor C. Craig (1960 – 1995) American double-convicted murderer
Last words

Waiting, are they? Waiting, are they? Well, let 'em wait!

(1738 – 1789) American farmer, businessman, writer, politician & patriot
Last words

Kiss my ass! You'll never find the rest!

(1942 – 1994) American serial killer & rapist
Last words

In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Death Taxes

Death is a wonderful way of cutting down on your expenses.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death Money

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Death

A redneck died and left his entire fortune to his beloved wife… she couldn’t touch it until she was fourteen.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Death Marriage People Rednecks

Where is my clock?

(1904 – 1989) Spanish surrealist painter
Last words

When Sinclair (Lewis) is dead he's dead; when I die I'm immortal.

(1873 – 1945) journalist & author
Death People Self

Why should I talk to you?… I've just been talking to your boss.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Beliefs Communication Death God

Death: Life’s way of telling you you’ve been fired.

Death Definitions Life

There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Death

At the funeral, everyone said, 'What a shame, he died penniless;' I don't know — to me that sounds like perfect timing on a hell of a budget.

American comedian
Death Money Poverty

Ya look like one of those pall buriers at a funeral.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Death Malaprops

I ain’t afraid to die fat… that’s my pallbearers’ worry.


Appearance Death Fat

Life: A continuous series of disasters which result in one’s death.

Death Definitions Life

Spiritual is the word people use when they mean they want to be covered when they die but they’re not getting up early on a Sunday.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Death Life

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Death

My grandmother buried three husbands… and two of them were only napping.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Death Husbands Marriage Relationships