Subject: Death (Page 23)

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Drink to me, drink to my health; you know I can’t drink any more.

(1881 – 1973) Spanish painter, sculptor, printmaker & stage designer

In the city, a funeral is just an interruption of traffic; in the country it is a form of popular entertainment.

(1672 – 1719) English essasyist, poet & politician

Death is an acquired trait.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Sex is like death… only after death you don’t feel like a pizza.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

My dear, before you kiss me good-bye, fix your hair. It's a mess.

(1887 – 1974) American playwright, screenwriter, director & actor

I’m not unwell, I’m f**king dying.

(1932 – 1997) British journalist

When I die, I want it to be on my 100the birthday, in my beach house on Maui and I want my husband to be so upset he has to drop out of college.

(1961 – ) American actress

Time: That which man is always trying to kill, but which ends in killing him.

(1820 – 1903) English philosopher

Dear World, I am leaving because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool. Good luck.

(1906 – 1972) Russian-born English actor, singer-songwriter & music composer

No Comment

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist

I am a pianist.


Eulogy: Praise that’s too much and too late.

Okay, I won’t.

(1935 – 1977) American singer

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

(1925 – 2005) television host

Well, I've had a happy life.

(1778 – 1830) English writer, essayist, critic, grammarian & philosopher

Will: A dead giveaway.

Take a step or two forward, lads. It will be easier that way.

(1870 – 1922) Irish author & nationalist

Vancouver! Vancouver! This is it! This is…

(1949 – 1980) American volcanologist & government surveyor

Applaud, my friends, the comedy is finished.

(1770 – 1827) German composer & pianist

I've had a hell of a lot of fun and I've enjoyed every minute of it.

(1909 – 1959) Australian-born American actor