Subject: Death (Page 24)

In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Death Taxes

Home to the palace to die.

(1818 – 1881) Emperor of the Russian Empire
Last words

I am just going outside. I may be some time.

(1880 – 1912) English Antarctic explorer
Last words

Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Death Life

I don’t want to die in the middle of the football season; I have to know who’s No. 1 in the last polls.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Death Football Sports

Suppose, suppose.

(1848 – 1929) American frontier law enforcement officer
Last words

Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven't said enough!

(1818 – 1883) German philosopher, economist, sociologist & socialist
Last words

Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.

Death Government Language Taxes

No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.

comedian, counselor & speaker
Death Science/Weather Success Wealth

My struggle to remain healthy is gradually killing me.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Death Health

That was a great game of golf, fellas.

(1902 – 1977) American singer & actor
Last words

When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Death Future Intelligence Time

Murderers – stop murdering; everyone will die eventually… just sit down and be patient.

(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Death Killing

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death

Sex is like death… only after death you don’t feel like a pizza.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death Food/Drink Sex

I did not know that we had ever quarreled.

(1817 – 1862) American author, poet, philosopher,, naturalist & historian
Last words

I ain’t afraid to die fat… that’s my pallbearers’ worry.


Appearance Death Fat

My young son asked me what happens after we die; I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies; I guess I should have told him the truth – that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally, but I didn't want to upset him.

Death

Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Death

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die; I would have thought the obvious one was shout for help.

(1980 – ) English comedian & novelist
Death Situations

I am dying. Please… bring me a toothpick.

(1873 – 1907) French writer
Last words