Subject: Death (Page 25)

I want that 50 bucks you owe me now, and I mean now.

Carl Switzer (1927 – 1959) American actor
Death Last words

Spiritual is the word people use when they mean they want to be covered when they die but they’re not getting up early on a Sunday.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Death Life

Never felt better.

(1911 – 2000) American actor
Last words

I see that you have made three spelling mistakes.

(1744 – 1790) French aristocrat
Last words

No one ever committed suicide while reading a good book, but many have tried while trying to write one.

(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor
Books Communication Death Reading/Writing

I think you're right, Wyatt. I can't see a god damn thing.

(1851 – 1882) younger brother of Deputy U.S. Marshals Virgil & Wyatt Earp
Last words

It's a long time since I drank champagne.

(1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician
Last words

I want to die like my father, quietly, in his sleep – not screaming and terrified like his passengers.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Death

Firefly: Not that I care, but where is your husband?
Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead.
Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Death TV/Movie Quotes

Yes… a bullet-proof vest

(1910 – 1960) American robber & convicted murderer
Last words

Fertile Woman Dies in Climax

Death Headlines

How young can you die of old age?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Age Death Life Old Young

… and now for a final word from our sponsor…

(? – 2000) television writer (Days of Our Lives)
Last words

Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me – I quit."

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs Death God

We think he’s dead, but we’re afraid to ask.

Death

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Death Life

A redneck died and left his entire fortune to his beloved wife… she couldn’t touch it until she was fourteen.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Death Marriage People Rednecks

John Rogers did.

(1812 – 1899) American attorney
Last words

Funeral: A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

Death Definitions

I have to set my pillows one more night… when will this end already?

(1783 – 1859) American author, essayist, biographer & historian
Last words

They say you shouldn’t say nothin’ about the dead unless it’s good; he’s dead… good!

(1894 – 1975) American comedian
Communication Death Speech