Subject: Death (Page 26)

This is too tight.

(1823 – 1865) Swiss-born Confederate officer in the American Civil War
Last words

I see that you have made three spelling mistakes.

(1744 – 1790) French aristocrat
Last words

I still live.

(1782 – 1852) American statesman, senator (Massachusetts) & writer
Last words

I find, then, I am but a bad anatomist.

(1763 – 1798) Irish revolutionary figure
Death

If your time ain't come, not even a doctor can kill you.

Death Doctors Health Life Situations

If anyone cries at my funeral, I will never speak to him again.

(1890 – 1965) English comic actor, writer & director (of Laurel & Hardy)
Death

I hope they bury me near a straight man.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Death Emotions

I’ll never die in my sleep… I don’t sleep that well.

(1889 – 1966) American humorist, writer, illustrator & cartoonist
Activities Death Sleep

I have a lifetime appointment and I intend to serve it; I expect to die at 110, shot by a jealous husband.

(1908 – 1993) U.S. Supreme Court justice
Death Relationships Situations

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

(1900 – 1993) American actress
Age Death

Epitaph: A monumental lie.

Death Definitions

There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Death

Gents, this is an educational project. You are about to witness the damaging effect electricity has on Wood.

(? – 1963) convicted murderer
Last words

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Death People

Die… I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Last words

The play is over, applaud!

(63 BC – 14 AD) first emperor of the Roman Empire
Last words

Most people my age are dead at the present time.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Age Death Life Misspokements Old People Time

There have been times when I’ve thought about it – but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death

Secretary: Someday you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.

Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Death Food/Drink

Oblituaries

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Death Malaprops

I hate going to funerals because I’m not a mourning person.

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor
Communication Death Wordplay