Subject: Death (Page 28)

Epitaph: A belated advertisement for a line of goods that has been permanently discontinued.

Death Definitions

Smoking cures weight problems… eventually.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Body Characteristics Death Fat

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Death

Marriage can be viewed as the waiting room for death.

(1963 – ) Canadian comedian, actor, screenwriter & film producer
Death Marriage

I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers – they’re going to make a game out of it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Activities Death Games People Self

Don't pull down the blinds. I feel fine. I want the sunlight to greet me!

(1895 – 1926) Italian actor & early pop icon
Last words

People Who Don’t Know They’re Dead

Book Titles Death People

When you have told anyone you have left him a legacy the only decent thing to do is to die at once.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Death

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist
Death

My uncle's dying wish – he wanted me on his lap; he was in the electric chair.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Death Relationships

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics Death People Self

Italian women never die – they just shrink out of existence.

(1958 – ) American comedian, actress & jazz musician
Death People Women

A few decades ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Hope, no Cash and no Jobs; please don’t let Kevin Bacon die!

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian
Death

At Last She Sleeps Alone.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist
Death