Subject: Death (Page 3)

Do you realize we’re only a heart attack away from Bush being president?

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Death Government President

'Hey Death – is that a sickle in your hand or are you just glad to see me?'

American comedian
Death

I remember what my grandmother said to me on her deathbed: She said: ‘I wish I’d bought a normal bed.’

British stand-up comedian, writer & actor
Communication Death Last words Wordplay

Only from the cold, my friend.

(1736 – 1793) French astronomer, orator & leader of the French Revolution
Last words

Yes, it's tough, but not as tough as doing comedy.

(1877 – 1959) English theatre & film actor
Last words

Oblituaries

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Death Malaprops

I feel nothing except a certain difficulty in continuing to exist.

(1657 – 1757) French author
Last words

Marriage can be viewed as the waiting room for death.

(1963 – ) Canadian comedian, actor, screenwriter & film producer
Death Marriage

Was Uncle Oscar’s death very untimely, you ask? Well, it was near lunch.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Death TV/Movie Quotes

Show my head to the people.  It is worth seeing.

(1759 – 1794) influential figure in the French Revolution
Last words

I’m not unwell, I’m f**king dying.

(1932 – 1997) British journalist
Death Last words

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

(1942 – ) humorist & radio broadcaster
Death

Are you happy?  I'm happy.

(1879 – 1959) American actress
Last words

Our sympathy is extended to Samuel Austin, whose mother pasted away.

Church Bulletins Death

Mozart! Mozart!

(1860 – 1911) Austrian composer
Last words

There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Death

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Death

It sounds like attention-seeking behavior to me.

(1958 – ) Welsh actor, writer & comedian
Death Insults

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.

(1920 – 2000) American actor
Death Doctors Health Money

If you eat one apple a day for 80 years, you won't die young.

(1919 – ) American sportswriter
Age Death Food/Drink Health

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death Emotions Fear