Subject: Death (Page 4)

I detest life insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.

(1869 – 1944) Canadian economist & humorist
Death

There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Death

My grandmother buried three husbands… and two of them were only napping.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Death Husbands Marriage Relationships

Oh that press will have me now!

(1809 – 1892) Poet Laureate of the United Kingdom
Last words

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Death Life

Success has killed more men than bullets.

(1884 – 1933) American saloon keeper, actress & entrepreneur
Death Success

Enough already.

(1915 – 2004) American novelist
Last words

At Last She Sleeps Alone.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist
Death

I feel nothing except a certain difficulty in continuing to exist.

(1657 – 1757) French author
Last words

Usually when someone is given an evening like this, they’re way too dead to say thank you.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director
Death Situations

I hate going to funerals because I’m not a mourning person.

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor
Communication Death Wordplay

I told my girlfriend when I was going to die, because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Death

You don’t know anything about pain until you’ve seen your own baby drowned in a tub… and you definitely don’t know anything about how to wash a baby.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Death Family

Damn it! How will I ever get out of this labyrinth?

(1783 – 1830) Venezuelan military & political leader
Last words

I have been a most unconscionable time dying, but I beg you to excuse it.

(1630 – 1685) monarch of England, Scotland & Ireland
Last words

Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Death Definitions

I get my exercise from acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise.

(1834 – 1928) American attorney for Cornelius Vanderbilt
Activities Death Exercise

The play is over, applaud!

(63 BC – 14 AD) first emperor of the Roman Empire
Last words

Ask her to wait a moment – I am almost done.

(1777 – 1855) German mathematician & scientist
Death

I hope they bury me near a straight man.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Death Emotions

Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

(1956 – ) author & movie actress
Death