Subject: Death (Page 5)

I need no doctor. I can overcome my own troubles.

(1808 – 1875) 17th U.S. President
Last words

So far, I haven’t heard of anybody who wants to stop living on account of the cost.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Death Life Money

How can I die, I'm booked.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Death Entertainment

No thank you.

(1959 – 2005) American serial killer
Last words

I leave life so that I can walk into history.

(1882 – 1954) Brazilian dictator & democratically elected President
Last words

Where there’s a will – there’s a relative!

(1961 – ) English comedian, actor, director, producer & writer
Death Family

Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Death Life

Die, my dear? Why, that's the last thing I'll do!

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Last words

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor
Death Marriage Wives

The operation was a complete success, but the patient died of something else.

Death Doctors Health

I was married twice; my first wife died and my second one wouldn't.

(1955 – ) American comedian
Death Marriage

Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it.

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Death

Usually when someone is given an evening like this, they’re way too dead to say thank you.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director
Death Situations

Damn it! How will I ever get out of this labyrinth?

(1783 – 1830) Venezuelan military & political leader
Last words

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Death Life

This isn't Hamlet, you know. It's not meant to go into the bloody ear.

(1907 – 1989) English actor, director & producer
Last words

Go away. I'm all right.

(1866 – 1946) English author
Last words

Hurry up, you Hoosier bastard, I could kill ten men while you're fooling about!

(1891 – 1930) American serial killer, arsonist & burglar
Last words

Another victim of the grim weeper.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Death Malaprops

There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Death

Luna: So then, what do you believe in?

Miles: Sex and death – two things that come once in a lifetime… but at least after death, you're not nauseous.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death Sex TV/Movie Quotes