Subject: Death (Page 6)

Epitaph: A belated advertisement for a line of goods that has been permanently discontinued.

Death Definitions

A few decades ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Hope, no Cash and no Jobs; please don’t let Kevin Bacon die!

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian
Death

A funeral eulogy is a belated plea for the defense delivered after the evidence is all in.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist
Communication Death Speech

If you eat one apple a day for 80 years, you won't die young.

(1919 – ) American sportswriter
Age Death Food/Drink Health

Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Death Definitions

If there is reincarnation, I’d like to come back as Warren Beatty’s fingertips.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death

I was going to commit suicide the other day, but I must not have been serious because I brought a beach towel.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Death

There is no doubt that the first requirement for a composer is to be dead.

(1892 – 1955) Swiss composer
Death Entertainment Music

Waldo is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

(1870 – 1916) British writer
Death Insults

I don’t want to die in the middle of the football season; I have to know who’s No. 1 in the last polls.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Death Football Sports

It's beating – beating – beating – it's stopped.

(1708 – 1777) was a Swiss anatomist, physiologist, naturalist & poet
Last words

Bless you, Sister.  May all your sons be bishops.

(1923 – 1964) Irish poet, short story writer, novelist & playwright
Last words

Wait a second.

(1721 – 1764) member of the French court & mistress of Louis XV
Last words

No comment.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Last words

I hope you go before me because I don’t want you singing at my funeral.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Death Entertainment

I've had a hell of a lot of fun and I've enjoyed every minute of it.

(1909 – 1959) Australian-born American actor
Last words

If anyone cries at my funeral, I will never speak to him again.

(1890 – 1965) English comic actor, writer & director (of Laurel & Hardy)
Death

Well, now I must go to meet God and try to explain all those men I killed at Alamein.

(1887 – 1976) British Army officer
Last words

Apart from that, Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?

(1928 – ) humorist, singer, songwriter & satirist
Death Situations

Sorry for saying f**k.

1941 – 1989) English comedian, physician, writer & actor (Monty Python)
Last words

Do not hack me as you did my Lord Russell.

(1649 – 1685) English nobleman
Last words