Subject: Death (Page 8)

In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Death Taxes

In the city a funeral is just an interruption of traffic; in the country it is a form of popular entertainment.

(1866 – 1944) American writer, newspaper columnist, playwright & humorist
Death

Our greatest fear is to die alone, which is why I intend to take quite a few people with me.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Death

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Death

Electrocution: Burning at the stake with all modern improvements.

Death Definitions

I hope they bury me near a straight man.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Death Emotions

My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other – so now it’s just a waiting game.

(1962 – ) American stand-up comedian & game show host
Death Husbands Marriage Wives

Memorial Service: A farewell party for someone who has already left.

Death Definitions

I'm glad he died before me, because I didn't want him to sing at my funeral.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Death People

If you really believe that death leads to eternal bliss, then why are you wearing a seatbelt?

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Death

Lady, you shot me.

(1931 – 1964) American singer, songwriter & entrepreneur
Last words

They say you shouldn’t say nothin’ about the dead unless it’s good; he’s dead… good!

(1894 – 1975) American comedian
Communication Death Speech

If you eat one apple a day for 80 years, you won't die young.

(1919 – ) American sportswriter
Age Death Food/Drink Health

Kids, kids, I'm not going to die; that only happens to bad people.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Death TV/Movie Quotes

I did not know that we had ever quarreled.

(1817 – 1862) American author, poet, philosopher,, naturalist & historian
Last words

My grandmother buried three husbands… and two of them were only napping.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Death Husbands Marriage Relationships

I am dying from the treatment of too many physicians.

Alexander III (356 – 323 BC) King of Macedon
Death Doctors Health

Fertile Woman Dies in Climax

Death Headlines

I’ll be in Hell before you start breakfast! Let her rip!

(1863 – 1901) American cowboy & train robber
Last words

He’s the type of man who will end up dying in his own arms.

(1931 – ) American actress & singer
Characteristics Death Insults

The idea is to die young as late as possible.

Age Death Murphy’s Laws Time Young