Subject: Definitions

Definitions:

Humorous definitions, often through the use of puns or wordplay

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Good Neighbor: One who doesn’t borrow his garden hose back too often.

Definitions

Buffet: A French word that means “get up and get it yourself.”

American humorist & public speaker
Definitions Food/Drink

Congress: A place where there are too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen – and not enough U.S. Congressmen.

Congress Definitions Government

Educated Man: One who has finally discovered that there are some questions to which nobody has the answers.

Definitions Intelligence Wisdom

Whoa!: A brake for horses.

Animals Definitions

Karma: Justice without the feeling of satisfaction.

Definitions

Zeal: A nervous disorder affecting the young and inexperienced.

Characteristics Definitions

Middle age is when you stop criticizing the older generation and start criticizing the younger one.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Age Definitions

Hangover: The moaning after the night before.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink Health

Poise: The act of raising the eyebrows instead of the roof.

Definitions

Alimony: The sum of money a man is commanded to pay his ex-wife in exchange for the pleasure of having her live under a separate roof.

Definitions Marriage

Inch: Unit of measure whose length is consistently underestimated by men.

Definitions

Kiss: A course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual stoppage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous.

Definitions

Ideologue: Typically an obscure humorless zealot who finds fulfillment by spouting the ideas of famous humorless zealots.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Beliefs Definitions

Dance: The action of moving rhythmically to music with a partner, a skill which a woman possesses naturally, but which a man acquires only for the short time in his young adulthood when he wishes to meet and impress young women, and abandons thereafter due to mysterious knee injuries.

Dance Definitions Entertainment

Diet Planner: A fast talker.

Definitions

Selfishness: Annoying quality of someone who has what I want, but is not prepared to give it to me.

Definitions

Disc Jockey: A guy who lives on spins and needles.

Definitions Occupations

Electrocardiograph: Ticker tape.

Definitions Wordplay

Fettuccine Alfredo: Macaroni and cheese for adults.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink

Donuts: The only non-negotiable element to a successful meeting.

Definitions