Subject: Definitions (Page 10)

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Honeymoon: The vacation a man takes before starting to work for a new boss.

Definitions Marriage

Disc Jockey: A guy who lives on spins and needles.

Definitions Occupations

Jury: A group of 12 people, who, having lied to the judge about their health, hearing, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.

Definitions

Old Age: When you don’t recognize either the host or the musical guest on Saturday Night Live.

Age Definitions

Philosophy: Common sense in a dress suit.

Definitions Intelligence Wisdom

Marriage: A process of finding out what sort of guy your wife would have preferred.

Definitions Marriage

Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Self

Center Of Mass: The Priest.

Definitions

Expert: A man from another city, and the farther away that city is, the greater the expert.

Definitions

Tailor: An occupation that suits everyone.

Definitions Occupations Work

Sunburn: Getting what you basked for.

Definitions

Homosexual: A man’s man.

Definitions Men

Marriage: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Marriage

Umbrella: A movable roof.

Definitions Things

Toupée: Top secret.

Definitions

Rummage Sale: Where you buy stuff from somebody else’s attic to store in your own.

Activities Definitions Shopping Things

Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Definitions

Makeup: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush which ironically makes Mom look better while making her young daughter look “like a tramp.”

Appearance Definitions

Diagnosis: A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language Money

Cross-Eyed Teacher: A teacher that loses control over his or her pupils.

Definitions

Laziness: The habit of resting before you get tired.

Characteristics Definitions