Subject: Definitions (Page 10)

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Babysitter: A teenager you pay $7 an hour to eat $20 worth of snacks.

Definitions

Weed: A plant whose virtues have not been discovered.

Definitions

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

Definitions

Originality: The art of concealing your source.

Definitions

Sterile Solution: Vasectomy.

Definitions

Matrimony: A knot tied by a preacher and untied by a lawyer.

Definitions Marriage

Demagogue: A man who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

Definitions

Neurotic: Sane but unhappy about it.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Hanging: A suspended sentence.

Definitions

Ventriloquist: A man with a dummy who always talks to himself.

Definitions

Redneck: Popular term for a rustic male, but rarely employed when addressing one in person.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions People

Budget: A family quarrel.

Definitions

Scotsman: A man who, before sending his pajamas to the laundry, stuffs a sock in each pocket.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Frugal Money People

Editor: The fellow who makes a long story short.

Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

Status Quo: Latin for “the mess we’re in.”

Definitions Problems

Sweater: Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Appearance Clothing Definitions

Handicapped Golfer: The man playing his boss.

Definitions Golf Sports

Litigant: A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Government Law

Prophylactic: A rubber check.

Definitions

Golf: A pastime that gives people cooped up in the office all week a chance to lie and cheat outdoors.

Definitions Golf Sports

Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Individuals Language Money