Subject: Definitions (Page 11)

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Sociology: Journalism without news.

Presidency: The greased pig in the field game of American politics.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Umbilical Cord: Baby bungee.

Desk: A waste basket with drawers.

Bliss: Having no idea what is really happening.

Shyster: The other fellow’s lawyer.

Dentist: A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coins out of your pocket.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Silence: Having nothing to say and saying it.

Toast: The only thing that can be eaten or drunk.

Jeans: Lower half of the international uniform of youth.

B-Negative: A pessimist’s blood type.

Florists: Petal pushers.

Righteous Indignation: Your own wrath, as opposed to the shocking bad temper of others.

Neighbors: The only people who listen to both sides of an argument.

Sunday School: A prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time; the man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)

Wolf: A fellow who wants his hands on a girl, but doesn’t want a girl on his hands.

Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Nepotism: Putting on heirs.

Abort: To correct a misconception.