Subject: Definitions (Page 11)

Misnomer: The right name for the wrong word.

Donation: A country full of female deer.

Daughter: A person who Dad likes because she reminds him why he married his wife, and who Mom is afraid of because she reminds her of why her husband married her.

Defame: To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Indifference: A woman’s feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as “playing hard to get.”

Education: A technique employed to open minds so that they may go from cocksure ignorance to thoughtful uncertainty.

Optimist: Someone who tells you to cheer up when things are going his way.

Cat: A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Discretion: Being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.

American: One who gets mad when a foreigner curses the institutions he curses.

Theatre director: a person engaged by the management to conceal the fact that the players cannot act.

(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic

Lemonade Stand: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of fifteen cents.

Acute Alcoholic: An attractive drunk.

Gentleman: A man who remembers a woman’s birthday but forgets her age.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Budget: A family quarrel.

Footnote: Useless information placed where you can skip it.

Doorman: A genius who can open the door of your car with one hand, help you in with the other, and still have one left for the tip.

Belong: To take your time.

Lecher: A stud with liver spots.