Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Definitions
(Page 11)
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Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Language
Money
Things
Architect
House
Sociology: Journalism without news.
Anonymous
Definitions
Journalism
Sociology
Presidency: The greased pig in the field game of American politics.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Politics
Greased pig
Presidency
Umbilical Cord: Baby bungee.
Anonymous
Definitions
Umbilical cord
Desk: A waste basket with drawers.
Anonymous
Definitions
Things
Desk
Bliss: Having no idea what is really happening.
Anonymous
Definitions
Bliss
Shyster: The other fellow’s lawyer.
Anonymous
Definitions
Lawyers
Shyster
Dentist: A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coins out of your pocket.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Language
Money
Dentist
Silence: Having nothing to say and saying it.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Situations
Speech
Silence
Toast: The only thing that can be eaten or drunk.
Anonymous
Definitions
Toast
Jeans: Lower half of the international uniform of youth.
Anonymous
Appearance
Clothing
Definitions
Jeans
B-Negative: A pessimist’s blood type.
Anonymous
Definitions
Blood
Pessimists
Florists: Petal pushers.
Anonymous
Definitions
Florists
Righteous Indignation: Your own wrath, as opposed to the shocking bad temper of others.
Anonymous
Anger
Definitions
Emotions
Righteous indignation
Neighbors: The only people who listen to both sides of an argument.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Neighbors
Sunday School: A prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.
Anonymous
Definitions
Sunday school
Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time; the man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
Gracie Allen
(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Activities
Definitions
Cocktail party
Wolf: A fellow who wants his hands on a girl, but doesn’t want a girl on his hands.
Anonymous
Definitions
Men
People
Wolf
Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Time
Disappointment
Year
Nepotism: Putting on heirs.
Anonymous
Definitions
Family
Nepotism
Abort: To correct a misconception.
Anonymous
Definitions
Abort
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