Subject: Definitions (Page 11)

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Lottery: The equivalent of betting that the next pope will be from Duluth, or that the parrot in the pet store window speaks Flemish.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Window Screen: A device for keeping flies in the house.

Definitions Things

Dentures: Two rows of artificial ivories that may be removed periodically to frighten one's grandchildren or provide accompaniment to Spanish music.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are.

Definitions Family People

Detour: The roughest distance between two points.

Activities Definitions Travel

Puttering: Woman’s word for man’s work.

Definitions

Delaware: A state that has three counties when the tide is out, and two when it is in.

(1833 – 1900) American politician
Definitions

Insanity: Grounds for divorce in some states; grounds for marriage in all

Definitions Marriage

Babysitter: A teenager you hire to watch your TV.

Definitions

Old Age: When you find yourself using one bend-over to pick up two things.

Age Definitions Old

Taxpayer: One who doesn’t have to pass a civil service exam to work for the government.

Definitions Government Taxes Work

Genealogy: Chasing your own tale.

Definitions Family

Bookie: A pickpocket who lets you use your own hands.

Definitions

Mouth: In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Small Town: A place where everybody knows the troubles you’ve seen.

Definitions Places

An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.

(1895 – 1979) American archbishop of the Catholic Church
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Committee: A group which succeeds in getting something done only when it consists of three members, one of whom happens to be sick and the other absent.

Definitions

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Definitions Science/Weather

Unabated: A fishhook without a worm.

Definitions

Cynic: A man who sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Perfume: What a woman hopes will make her the scenter of attention.

Definitions Wordplay