Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Friday, April 4, 2025
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Subject:
Definitions
(Page 11)
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Misnomer: The right name for the wrong word.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Language
Misnomer
Donation: A country full of female deer.
Anonymous
Definitions
Donation
Daughter: A person who Dad likes because she reminds him why he married his wife, and who Mom is afraid of because she reminds her of why her husband married her.
Unknown
Definitions
Family
Daughter
Defame: To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Language
Lies
Truth
Indifference: A woman’s feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as “playing hard to get.”
Anonymous
Definitions
Indifference
Education: A technique employed to open minds so that they may go from cocksure ignorance to thoughtful uncertainty.
Anonymous
Definitions
Education
Optimist: Someone who tells you to cheer up when things are going his way.
Anonymous
Definitions
Optimist
Cat: A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals
Cats
Communication
Definitions
Language
Discretion: Being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.
Anonymous
Definitions
Discretion
American: One who gets mad when a foreigner curses the institutions he curses.
Anonymous
America
Definitions
Places
Theatre director: a person engaged by the management to conceal the fact that the players cannot act.
James Agate
(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic
Acting
Definitions
Entertainment
Occupations
Theatre director
Lemonade Stand: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of fifteen cents.
Anonymous
Definitions
Lemonade Stand
Acute Alcoholic: An attractive drunk.
Anonymous
Alcohol
Definitions
Acute Alcoholic
Gentleman: A man who remembers a woman’s birthday but forgets her age.
Anonymous
Definitions
Men
People
Gentleman
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Oliver Herford
(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Communication
Definitions
Reading/Writing
Manuscript
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Anonymous
Definitions
Conference
Budget: A family quarrel.
Anonymous
Definitions
Budget
Footnote: Useless information placed where you can skip it.
Anonymous
Definitions
Footnote
Doorman: A genius who can open the door of your car with one hand, help you in with the other, and still have one left for the tip.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Doorman
Belong: To take your time.
Anonymous
Definitions
Belong
Lecher: A stud with liver spots.
Anonymous
Definitions
Lecher
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