Subject: Definitions (Page 11)

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Bill Collector: A man whom few care to see but many ask to call again.

Definitions

Divorce: A splitting headache.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Lottery: The equivalent of betting that the next pope will be from Duluth, or that the parrot in the pet store window speaks Flemish.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Men

Atomic Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Definitions

Underwear: An article of clothing which, when kept clean, ensures the wearer will never have an accident.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Antique: An object that has made a round trip to the attic.

Definitions Things

Dachshund: An animal half a dog high by a dog and a half long.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Animals Definitions Dogs

Childbirth: You get to go through thirty-six hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, ‘focus… breathe… push…’

Definitions

Delta: A river with its mouth full of mud.

Definitions

Director: The one who always faces the music.

Definitions Music

Pickpocket: A man who believes that every crowd has a silver lining.

Crime Definitions

Clarification: To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.

Definitions

Dorito Syndrome: Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content.

Definitions Food/Drink

Bliss: Having no idea what is really happening.

Definitions

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

Strip Teaser: One who makes a bare living.

Body Definitions Occupations

Wedding Ring: A one-man band.

Definitions Marriage

Bore: A person who has nothing to say and says it.

Definitions

Barber: A brilliant conversationalist who cuts hair for a sideline.

Conversation Definitions Occupations

Historian: An editor of yesterday’s news.

Definitions History Occupations Time Work