Subject: Definitions (Page 11)

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Christian: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbors. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Alibi: Slip cover.

Definitions

Consultant: Someone who knows 101 ways to make love, but can’t get a date.

Definitions

Philanthropist: A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Wealth

Drug: A substance that, when injected into a guinea pig, produces a scientific paper.

Activities Definitions Drugs Science/Weather

Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Definitions

Donuts: The only non-negotiable element to a successful meeting.

Definitions

Wink: A whether signal.

Definitions

Rational: Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions Intelligence Thinking

Accountant: One who uses your books to figure his profit.

Definitions Occupations

Neighbors: People who live near you, who are never around when you need to borrow power tools or jumper cables, but who are everywhere when you are having a heated argument with your spouse.

Definitions People

Stroke-Of-Luck: Hole-in-One.

Definitions Golf Sports

Babysitter: One who accepts hush money.

Definitions

Awe: Wow of silence.

Definitions

Dorito Syndrome: Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content.

Definitions Food/Drink

Discretion: When you are sure you are right and then ask your wife.

Definitions

Puttering: Woman’s word for man’s work.

Definitions

Accident: When presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

Accidents Definitions Problems

Bargain: Something you can’t use, at a price you can’t resist.

Activities Definitions Shopping

Graffiti: Urban scrawl.

Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

Newspaper: A publication that condemns gambling and promotes lottery numbers.

Definitions