Subject: Definitions (Page 12)

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Plumber: A drain surgeon.

Definitions Occupations

Sleet: A slipcover.

Definitions Science/Weather

Liberal: Someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

Rum: Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Alcohol Definitions

Virus: A Latin medical term meaning, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Definitions Health

Impossible: What nobody can do until somebody does it.

Definitions

Laziness: The habit of resting before you get tired.

Characteristics Definitions

Barber: The town cutup.

Definitions Wordplay

Legal: Used to mean lawful; now it means some kind of loophole.

Definitions Government Law

Woman: A creature whom God made beautiful that man might love her, and unreasonable that she might love man.

Definitions People

Absolute Zero: The lowest grade attainable on a test.

Definitions Education School

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge.”

Accidents Definitions Problems

Consciousness: The annoying time between naps.

Definitions

X Chromosome: a genetic double-cross that empowers women with the ability to bear children and reserves for men the right to be color-blind hemophiliacs.

Definitions Men People

Tact: The ability to arrive at conclusions without expressing them.

Definitions

Three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Definitions Men Sex

Infant Prodigies: Young people with highly imaginative parents.

Children Definitions Family

Debt: A trap which a man sets and baits himself, and then deliberately gets into.

Definitions Money

Father’s Day: The annual day in June set aside so merchants can get rid of their leftover Christmas ties and shaving lotion.

Definitions Time

Christian: A man who feels repentance on a Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Diaphragm: A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.

Body Definitions Health