Subject: Definitions (Page 12)

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Judge: A lawyer who once knew a politician.

Definitions Government Law

Unabated: A fishhook without a worm.

Definitions

Punctuality: The art of arriving for an appointment just in time to be indignant at the tardiness of the other party.

Definitions Time

Gold Digger: A fund-loving girl.

Definitions

Christian: A man who feels repentance on a Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Bachelor: A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.

Definitions Men People Relationships

Tailor: An occupation that suits everyone.

Definitions Occupations Work

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Government Language Law

Newspaper: A publication that condemns gambling and promotes lottery numbers.

Definitions

Efficiency is intelligent laziness.

New Zealand writer
Definitions

Nymphomania: A disease where the patient enjoys being bedridden.

Definitions Sex

Tips: Wages we pay other people’s help.

Definitions

Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

Telephone: A contrivance for letting us talk to people whom we don’t want to meet.

Definitions Things

American Idealism: Being willing to make any sacrifice that won’t hurt business.

Definitions

Calendar: An attempt, underwritten by the principal religions, to make the heavenly bodies keep regular hours.

Definitions

Antique: Something too old to be anything but too expensive.

Definitions Things

Conservative: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions

Friend: A person who listens attentively while you say nothing.

Definitions Friends People

Heredity: The bad traits a child gets from the other side of the family.

Definitions Family

Puberty: The awkward age when a child is too old to say something cute and too young to say something sensible.

Age Definitions