Subject: Definitions (Page 13)

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Old age is when you know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Age Definitions Old

Underwear: An article of clothing which, when kept clean, ensures the wearer will never have an accident.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Zebra: A horse behind bars.

Animals Definitions

Nouvelle Cuisine, roughly translated, means: I can’t believe I paid ninety-six dollars and I’m still hungry.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink

Consultant: Someone who knows 101 ways to make love, but can’t get a date.

Definitions

Communist: A fellow who will gladly divide his hunger and thirst with you if you’ll divide your beer and salami with him.

Definitions

Discussion: A method of confirming others in their errors.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Mistakes People

Taxidermist: A man who mounts animals.

Animals Definitions Occupations

Alarm Clock: That which scares the daylight out of you.

Definitions Wordplay

Racehorse: A fast means of redistributing wealth.

Activities Definitions

Cantaloupe: Gotta get married in a church.

Definitions Marriage

Funeral: A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

Death Definitions

Ultimatum: In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

Definitions

B-Negative: A pessimist’s blood type.

Definitions

Interpreter: A ventriloquist using two dummies.

Communication Definitions Language

Smile: To expose a portion of one’s skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Senility: A cleansing of the mental blackboard shortly before class is dismissed.

Age Definitions Old

Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that hey cannot separately plunder a third.

Definitions Politics

Inertia: Tendency of a skier’s body to resist changes in direction or speed due to the action of Newton’s First Law of Motion.

Definitions Science/Weather

Alarm Clock: Something that makes people rise and whine.

Definitions Wordplay

Self-evident: Evident to one's self and to nobody else.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions