Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Definitions
(Page 13)
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Dentist: man who lives from hand to mouth.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Dentist
Advice: the smallest current coin.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Language
Opinion
Advice
Consultant: A jobless person who shows executives how to work.
Rick Bayan
(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions
Work
Consultant
Houseplants: Vegetable companions; pleasant green pets that rarely bite or throw up on the carpet.
Rick Bayan
(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions
Things
Houseplants
Juvenile Delinquents: Other people’s children.
Anonymous
Definitions
Juvenile Delinquents
Bowling Alley: A quiet place of amusement where you can hear a pin drop.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Bowling alley
Four-letter Word: Par for the coarse.
Anonymous
Definitions
Golf
Language
Sports
Four-letter Word
Mason-Dixon Line: A geographical division between “you all” and “youse guys.”
Anonymous
Definitions
Places
Mason-Dixon Line
Beauty: The power with which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
Anonymous
Appearance
Definitions
Beauty: The power with which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
Telemarketer: A minimum waged person who calls a bunch of people on a list to sell them something that they probably don’t need, and gets hung up on because the person being called usually has a mouth full of food.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Telemarketer
Accrue: People who work on a ship.
Anonymous
Definitions
Doubles: Tennis game played by athletic couples who wish to burn a few calories while arguing.
Anonymous
Definitions
Sports
Doubles
Tennis
Man: An animal [whose]… chief occupation is the extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
People
Women
Adage: To become older.
Anonymous
Definitions
Adage
Reckless Driver: One who passes you on the highway in spite of all you can do.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Reckless Driver
Dictatorship: A system of government where everything that isn’t forbidden is obligatory.
Anonymous
Definitions
Government
Immorality: The morality of those who are having a better time.
Anonymous
Definitions
Immorality
Bachelor: A man who has faults he doesn’t know about.
Anonymous
Definitions
Men
People
Bachelor
Camp: Where parents spend $1,000 for eight weeks to teach their child to make a 25-cent ash tray.
Anonymous
Definitions
Camp
Baby: Morning caller, noonday crawler, midnight bawler.
Anonymous
Children
Definitions
Family
Babies
Chivalry: A man’s inclination to defend a woman against every man but himself.
Anonymous
Definitions
Chivalry
Page 13 of 78
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