Subject: Definitions (Page 13)

Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Ambition: Goaled rush.

Genealogy: An account of one’s descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.

Absent: The notation generally following your name in a class record.

Upper Crust: People stuck together by their dough.

Artichoke: The only vegetable you have more of when you finish eating it, than you had when you started.

Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Mirror: A truthful reflector shunned by vampires, hypocrites and aging fashion models.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter

Civilization: A process whereby one generation finds the questions to the previous generation’s answers.

Indifference: A woman’s feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as “playing hard to get.”

Physician: One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Hypochondriac: One who can’t leave well-enough alone.

Passport: A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going abroad, exposing him as an alien and pointing him out for special reprobation and outrage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Intuition: The strange instinct that tells a woman she is right whether she is or not.

Adage: To become older.

Birth: The first and dirtiest of all disasters. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Altar: Place where a man loses control of himself.

Tact: The ability to arrive at conclusions without expressing them.

Father: An ATM provided by nature.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.