Subject: Definitions (Page 13)

Nursery: Bawl room.

Revolution: An abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one’s country.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Childbirth: You get to go through thirty-six hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, ‘focus… breathe… push…’

Heredity: What a man believes in until his son begins to behave like a delinquent.

Pickpocket: A man who believes that every crowd has a silver lining.

Fore: A golf bawl.

Florida: God's waiting room.

Censor: A man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer

Saint: A dead sinner, revised and edited.

Quality Control: The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.

Gossip: Anything that goes in one ear and over the back fence.

Slander: To lie, or tell the truth about someone.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Bugs: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.

Dawn: 1. The time when men of reason go to bed. 2. When the sun first shines on your hangover.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Madam: Someone for whom the belles toil.

Astronomer: Night watchman.

House: Domicile purchased by married couples so they have some place to pour all their money.

Hospitality: The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.

Misnomer: The right name for the wrong word.

Girdle: Accessory after the fat.