Subject: Definitions (Page 14)

Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Delegate-At-Large: A man at a convention whose wife didn’t accompany him.

Black Eye: A stamp of disapproval.

Fable: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.

Negotiating: The art of persuading your opponent to take the nice shiny copper penny and give you the wrinkled old paper money.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter

Sunburn: Getting what you basked for.

Bus: A vehicle that runs faster when you run after it and runs slowly when you are inside it.

Zeal: A nervous disorder affecting the young and inexperienced.

Average Person: One who thinks someone else is the average person.

Diagnosis: A physician’s forecast of the disease by the patient’s pulse and purse.

Youth: The first fifty years of your life… the first twenty of anyone else’s.

Boy: A noise with dirt on it.

Archive: Where the two bees stayed after Noah brought them aboard.

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other.

(1870-1943) German-American politician, socialist & writer

Rejoinder: Married his ex.

Yawn: Opening one’s mouth and wishing that others would close theirs.

Fettuccine Alfredo: Macaroni and cheese for adults.

Vote: The instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Cantaloupe: Gotta get married in a church.

Life: Coming into the world wit nothing, leaving with nothing and, in between, giving everything to the IRS.

Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offense.