Subject: Definitions (Page 15)

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Atomic Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Definitions

Executive: An under-worked, over-paid person who is in over their head.

Definitions Occupations

Philanderer: A man who considers himself too good to be true.

Definitions People Self

Brainstorm: To feign preparedness.

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Babysitter: A teenager you pay $7 an hour to eat $20 worth of snacks.

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Absurdity: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Opinion

Connoisseur: One who attains an obsessive knowledge of wines, audio equipment, cats or French cheeses so as to confer a sense of inadequacy on those who would simply enjoy them.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
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Forger: A man who made a name for himself.

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Mixed Company: What you are in when you think of a story you can’t tell there.

Definitions People

Efficiency is intelligent laziness.

New Zealand writer
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Houseplants: Vegetable companions.

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Inch: Unit of measure whose length is consistently underestimated by men.

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Fern: A plant that you’re supposed to water once a day, and when you don’t it dies, but if you do it dies anyway, only not so soon.

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I.O.U.: A type of paper wait.

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Neurotic: A person who, when you ask how she is, tells you.

Definitions People

Prejudice: A great time-saver that enables one to form opinions without bothering to get the facts.

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Innocent Bystander: A person so simple-minded he doesn’t know enough to get out of the way.

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Statistician: One who knows which numbers to use in any eventuality.

Definitions Occupations

Wedding Ring: A one-man band.

Definitions Marriage

Congress: A place where there are too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen – and not enough U.S. Congressmen.

Congress Definitions Government

Man: An animal [whose]… chief occupation is the extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions People Women