Subject: Definitions (Page 15)

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Communism: Nobody’s got nothin’, but everybody’s workin’.

Definitions

Liposuction: A surgical procedure from which the patient emerges significantly lighter in both pounds and dollars.

Appearance Body Definitions Health

Rum: Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Alcohol Definitions

Rear: In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Congress Definitions Military

Fortune teller: Séance fiction.

Definitions

Doctor: A guy who tells you if you don’t cut out something he’ll cut something out of you.

Definitions Doctors Health

State-of-the-Art: Soon-to-be-obsolete.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Bugs: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.

Animals Definitions

Etiquette: A convenient code of conduct which makes lying a virtue and snobbishness a righteous deed.

Definitions

Brassiere: A bust stop.

Clothing Definitions

Evangelist: A bearer of good tidings who gives us the good news and assures us of our own salvation and damnation of our neighbors.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Absent: The notation generally following your name in a class record.

Definitions

Hors d'oeuvres: A sandwich cut into 20 pieces.

Definitions Food/Drink

Breeding: Concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

Definitions

Cynic: A man who sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Auditor: A person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.

Definitions Occupations

Vasectomy: Spoil the rod… spare the child.

Definitions

Jealousy: The tribute mediocrity pays to genius.

Characteristics Definitions

Apex: A gorilla’s old girlfriend.

Definitions Wordplay

Budget: An attempt to live below your yearnings.

Definitions

Resolute: Obstinate in a course that we approve.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions