Subject: Definitions (Page 15)

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Expert: A man who is seldom in doubt, but often in error.

Definitions

Pun: A short quip followed by a long groan.

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Opportunist: One who goes ahead and does what you always planned to do. 

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Euphemisms: Unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.

Definitions

Job: A state of employment everyone wants but few look forward to on a Monday morning.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Specialist: A man who knows more and more about less and less.

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Race Track: Where thousands of people can get taken for a ride on the same horse.

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Modesty: Being comfortable that others will soon discover your greatness.

Definitions Self

Ultimatum: In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

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Depression: A period during which we have to get along without the things our grandparents never dreamed of.

Definitions Money Past Time

Destiny: A tyrant’s authority for crime and a fool’s excuse for failure.

Definitions Future Time

Wolf: A fellow who wants his hands on a girl, but doesn’t want a girl on his hands.

Definitions Men People

Marriage: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Marriage

Chauffeur: A man who is smart enough to operate an automobile, but clever enough not to own one.

Autos Definitions Things

Middle Age: That period in life when your idea of getting ahead is staying even.

Age Definitions

Old age is when you know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Age Definitions Old

Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

Children Definitions Family

Cravings: An excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.

Definitions

Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that hey cannot separately plunder a third.

Definitions Politics

Neurotic: A person who, when you ask how she is, tells you.

Definitions People

Reoriented: Sent back to China.

Definitions Wordplay