Subject: Definitions (Page 15)

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Expert: A man who is seldom in doubt, but often in error.

Definitions

Realtor: A man with lots to sell.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

A true gentleman is a man who may know how to play the bagpipes – but doesn’t.

Definitions

Acute Alcoholic: An attractive drunk.

Alcohol Definitions

Conservative: A liberal who has just been mugged.

Beliefs Definitions

Reunion: When you meet people your own age who all look a lot older than you.

Definitions People

Great American: What speakers call a man when they can’t think of anything specifically complimentary to say.

Definitions

To be positive: To be mistaken at the top of one's voice.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Speech

Egotism: An anesthetic that nature gives to a man to deaden the pain of being a darn fool.

Definitions

Umbrella: A shelter for one and a shower for two.

Definitions Things

Christmas: A warm, cheery two-month festival that celebrates the joy of retail merchandise.

Definitions

Key Ring: A handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

Definitions Things

Bridegroom: A man who is amazed at the outcome of what he thought was a harmless little flirtation.

Definitions

AAA-AA: A club for people who are being driven to drink.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

Theatre director: a person engaged by the management to conceal the fact that the players cannot act.

(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic
Acting Definitions Entertainment Occupations

Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it.

Definitions Food/Drink

Refinement: The ability to yawn without opening your mouth.

Characteristics Definitions

Armor: The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Clothing Communication Definitions Language

Acme: Spots on the top of your head.

Definitions

Dictatorship: A place where public opinion can’t even be expressed privately.

Definitions Government

Selfishness: A state of mine.

Definitions