Subject: Definitions (Page 15)

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Garage: Something usually built with a house attached.

Definitions

Dawn: 1. The time when men of reason go to bed. 2. When the sun first shines on your hangover.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Time

Positive Thinking: self-improvement through self-deception.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Intelligence

Glutton: A person who takes the piece of French pastry you wanted.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink People

Debt: A trap which a man sets and baits himself, and then deliberately gets into.

Definitions Money

Sunburn: Getting what you basked for.

Definitions

Riding: The art of keeping a horse between yourself and the ground.

Animals Definitions

Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Bigamist: A man who makes the same mistake twice.

Definitions Marriage

An allowance is what you pay your children to live with you.

Children Definitions Family

Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, in addition to when it is removed.

Cooking Definitions

Philosophy: Common sense in a dress suit.

Definitions Intelligence Wisdom

Fishing License: Permit issued upon payment of a modest fee that allows fishermen to lose lures in a specified area.

Activities Definitions

Slang: Language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.

Communication Definitions Language

Puritan: A person who pours righteous indignation into the wrong things.

Definitions

Altar-Boy: A type of bicycle accident.

Definitions

Husband: Someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

Diagnosis: A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language Money

Truce: Friendship.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict Definitions Relationships

Expert: Any person who has tried and failed – and can tell you why.

Definitions

Employment Agency: Where people are put in their place.

Definitions Work