Subject: Definitions (Page 16)

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Fairway: The well-kept and seldom used portion of a golf course.

Definitions Golf Sports

Pessimism: A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

Death: A breath-taking experience.

Death Definitions

Accountant: One who uses your books to figure his profit.

Definitions Occupations

Morality: An instinctive sense of right and wrong that tells some people how everyone else should behave.

Beliefs Definitions Honesty

Brassiere: A bust stop.

Clothing Definitions

Upper Crust: People stuck together by their dough.

Definitions Money People

Hero: One who is afraid to run away.

Definitions

Diet: The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.

Definitions Food/Drink

Shoplifting: Free enterprise.

Conflict Crime Definitions

Argument: A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but the other person hasn’t realized it yet.

Definitions

Vision: Looking farther than you can see.

Definitions Intelligence Thinking

Dna: A complex organic molecule characterized as the building block of life and appropriately shaped like a spiral staircase to nowhere.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

A man with both feet planted firmly in the air.

(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president
Definitions People Politics

Good Neighbor: One who doesn’t borrow his garden hose back too often.

Definitions

Epitaph: A monumental lie.

Death Definitions

Taxation: The process by which money is collected from the people to pay the salaries of the men who do the collecting.

Definitions Government Taxes

Positive Thinking: self-improvement through self-deception.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Intelligence

Woman: A creature whom God made beautiful that man might love her, and unreasonable that she might love man.

Definitions People

London: A place you go to get bronchitis.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Definitions Health Places

Baby: Nine months interest on a small deposit.

Children Definitions Family