Subject: Definitions (Page 16)

View All Definitions

Budget: A method of worrying before you spend, instead of afterward.

Definitions

Opportunity: A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions

Consultant: Someone who borrows your watch then tells you what time it is.

Definitions

Chiropodist: A man who makes money hand over foot.

Definitions Doctors Occupations

Detour: The roughest distance between two points.

Activities Definitions Travel

Director: The one who always faces the music.

Definitions Music

Truck Driver: A man who has the opportunity to run into so many nice people.

Definitions Occupations

Heredity: What a man believes in until his son begins to behave like a delinquent.

Definitions Family

Mouth: In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Amen: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

Definitions

House: Domicile purchased by married couples so they have some place to pour all their money.

Definitions

University: A modern school where football is taught.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Education Football Language School

Definition: A statement intended to put a word in its place.

Communication Definitions Language

Bachelor: A man who can get out of bed from either side.

Definitions Marriage Men People

White Supremacists: The most convincing argument against the theory of white racial superiority.

Beliefs Definitions Intelligence People

Politician: One who is willing to do anything on earth for the workers except become one.

Definitions Government Politicians

Altar: Place where a man loses control of himself.

Definitions Marriage

Jazz Musician: A juggler who uses harmonies instead of oranges.

Definitions Entertainment Music

Childhood: The rapidly shrinking interval between infancy and first arrest on a drug or weapons charge.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Senility: A cleansing of the mental blackboard shortly before class is dismissed.

Age Definitions Old

Clever Woman: One who knows how to give a man her own way.

Definitions