Subject: Definitions (Page 16)

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Psychology: The science that tells you what you already know in words you can’t understand.

Definitions Science/Weather

Diplomat: Someone who can lose all the points and still win the game.

Definitions

Dating: An elaborate prelude to mating that fulfills much the same function as the sniffing ritual in dogs, but without its forthright honesty.

Dating Definitions Relationships

Death – to blink for an exceptionally long period of time.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Death Definitions

Unemployment: The usual alternative to overwork.

Definitions Work

Propaganda: Patriotism as practiced by our enemies.

Communication Definitions

Pregnancy: The shape of things to come.

Definitions

Shakespeare: A man whose writings are so excellent it’s believed someone else must have written them.

Definitions

Politician: A fellow who borrows your pot in which to cook your goose.

Definitions Government Politicians

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

Loquacity: A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Conversation Definitions Language Speech

Statesman: An ex-politician who has mastered the art of holding his tongue.

Communication Definitions Politicians Speech

Birthday: Anniversary of one’s birth, observed only by men and children.

Age Definitions

Pediatrician: Man of little patients.

Definitions Doctors Health Wordplay

Gold Digger: A girl who will date any man that can pass the asset test.

Definitions Money People Women

Alimony: The fee a woman charges for name-dropping.

Definitions Marriage

Dictator: One who thinks he can take it – no matter to whom it belongs.

Definitions

Management: A class of semi-skilled corporate hirelings whose rise within the organization correlates directly with the amount of work they delegate to their more-talented underlings.

Definitions Work

Orthodox: Bone doctors.

Definitions Doctors

Yawn: Opening one’s mouth and wishing that others would close theirs.

Definitions

Expert: Any person who has tried and failed – and can tell you why.

Definitions