Subject: Definitions (Page 16)

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Old Age: When you wink at a girl and she says, “Something wrong with your eyes?”

Age Definitions

Rummage Sale: Where you buy stuff from somebody else’s attic to store in your own.

Activities Definitions Shopping Things

Glutton: A person who takes the piece of French pastry you wanted.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink People

Abscond: To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

Crime Definitions

Ambassador: An honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.

Definitions

Friend: A person who listens attentively while you say nothing.

Definitions Friends People

Bureaucrat: A politician who has tenure.

Definitions Government Politicians

Farmer: The only man who can lose money every year, live well, educate his children, and then die rich.

Definitions

Heredity: The thing a child gets from the other side of the family.

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Definitions Family

Groom: Least important member of wedding party, whose only duties are to show up on time, remember the ring, and try not to be drunk.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

Bum: A man-about-town.

Definitions

Houseplants: Vegetable companions.

Definitions

Cheerfulness: The art of concealing your true feelings.

Definitions Emotions Happiness

Jury: Twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Definitions Government Law Lawyers

Quickie: No sooner spread than done.

Definitions Sex

Husband: A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife’s permission to say so.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

Vasectomy: Never having to say you’re sorry.

Definitions

Church: Man’s effort to keep a roof over God’s head.

Beliefs Definitions God

Lecher: A stud with liver spots.

Definitions

Arsonist: A person who sets the world on fire… at least in a small way.

Definitions

Hey, watch this!

Death Definitions Last words