Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
Home
About
Categories
Activities
Age
Animals
Appearance
Beliefs
Characteristics
Communication
Conflict
Death
Education
Emotions
Entertainment
Family
Food/Drink
Government
Health
Intelligence
Life
Marriage
Miscellaneous
Money
People
Places
Problems
Relationships
Science/Weather
Sex
Situations
Sports
Success
Things
Time
Work
Additional Categories
Book Titles
Confucius say
Definitions
Epitaphs
Exaggerations
Expressions
Hollywood Squares
Insults
Last Words
Murphy's Laws
Place Names
Proverbs
Reviews/Criticism
Song Titles
Tom Swifties
TV/Movie Quotes
Oops...
Bushisms
Church Bulletins
Classified Ads
Colemanballs
Headlines
Malaprops
Misspokements
Signs
Translations
Yogi-isms
Some Popular Authors
Abraham Lincoln
Alfred E. Neuman
Ambrose Bierce
Benjamin Franklin
Dave Barry
Demetri Martin
Dorothy Parker
Emo Phillips
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
H.L. Mencken
Homer Simpson
Jeff Foxworthy
Jimmy Carr
Joan Rivers
Mae West
Mark Twain
Mitch Hedberg
Oscar Wilde
Phyllis Diller
Richard Lewis
Rita Rudner
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
Stewart Francis
W.C. Fields
Will Rogers
Woody Allen
View All Authors
Subject:
Definitions
(Page 16)
View All Definitions
Denial: How an optimist keeps from becoming a pessimist.
Rick Bayan
(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions
Denial
Stock Market: A popular game of chance in which moneyed speculators gamble with the nation’s economy, the object being to amass as much unearned income as possible before one’s fellow gamblers withdraw from the game and precipitate a nationwide depression.
Anonymous
Definitions
Money
Gambling
Stock market
Executive: An under-worked, over-paid person who is in over their head.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Executive
Waiter: A guy who believes money grows on a tray.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Work
Waiter
Historian: An editor of yesterday’s news.
Anonymous
Definitions
History
Occupations
Time
Work
Historian
Deliberation: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Language
Bread
Deliberation
Birth Control: Evasion of the issue.
Anonymous
Definitions
Birth control
Igloo: An icicle built for two.
Anonymous
Definitions
Igloo
Ingrate: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Ingrate
Roulette: A wheel that seldom takes a turn for the bettor.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Games
Betting
Roulette
Inflation: When nobody has enough money because everybody has too much.
Anonymous
Definitions
Money
Inflation
Wedding Ring: A one-man band.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Wedding Ring
Discretion: When you are sure you are right and then ask your wife.
Anonymous
Definitions
Discretion
Family Swimming Pool: A small body of water completely surrounded by other people’s children.
Anonymous
Definitions
Family Swimming Pool
Philanthropist: A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Language
Wealth
Conscience
Philanthropist
Childbirth:
You
get to go through thirty-six hours of contractions;
he
gets to hold your hand and say, ‘focus… breathe… push…’
Anonymous
Definitions
Childbirth
Looting: A public shopping spree generously sponsored by local merchants in the wake of a riot.
Rick Bayan
Anonymous
(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Crime
Definitions
Looting
Carpet: A floor covering that is bought by the yard and worn by the foot.
Anonymous
Definitions
Carpet
Centimeter: A parking meter that takes pennies.
Anonymous
Definitions
Centimeter
Rite: A religious or semi-religious ceremony fixed by law, precept or custom, with the essential oil of sincerity carefully squeezed out of it.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs
Definitions
Ceremony
Rite
Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
Anonymous
Definitions
Dust
Page 16 of 78
« First
« Previous
14
15
16
17
18
Next »
Last »