Subject: Definitions (Page 17)

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Vegetarian: Indian word for bad hunter.

Definitions

Antiques: Furniture that is too old for poor folks but the right age for rich people.

Definitions

Drug: A substance that, when injected into a guinea pig, produces a scientific paper.

Activities Definitions Drugs Science/Weather

Patience: The quality you admire in the driver behind you but can’t stand in the driver who’s in front of you.

Characteristics Definitions

Yearbook: A book of pictures that get nerdier with time.

Definitions

Impossible: What nobody can do until somebody does it.

Definitions

Hanging: A suspended sentence.

Definitions

Circus: A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals Communication Definitions Fools Language People

Lecher: A stud with liver spots.

Definitions

Acute Alcoholic: An attractive drunk.

Alcohol Definitions

Fountain pen: A writing instrument that works marvelously in the store.

Definitions Things

Lawyer: Men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers.

Definitions Lawyers

Oratory: The art of making deep noises from the chest sound like important messages from the brain.

Communication Definitions Speech

Congratulation: The civility of envy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Animals Definitions Eating Food/Drink

Dog Pound: A used cur lot.

Definitions

Contempt: The feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Epitaph: A monumental lie.

Death Definitions

Good Old Days: A block of time which ended a week before you were hired.

Definitions Past Time Work

Clarification: To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.

Definitions

Discretion: A sense that comes to a man too late to do him any good.

Definitions