Subject: Definitions (Page 18)

Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that hey cannot separately plunder a third.

Diaper: A changeable seat cover.

Baby: An inhabitant of Lapland.

Consultant: A jobless person who shows executives how to work.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter

Executive: A big gun – that hasn’t been fired yet.

Waffle: A pancake with a nonskid tread.

Orgasm: The punchline some women just don’t get, generally because their mates have a tendency to rush through the joke.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter

Baker: A person who kneads the dough.

Reconsider: To seek a justification for a decision already made.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Below: Sing Bass.

Sarong: A simple garment carrying the implicit promise that it will not long stay in place.

Groom: Least important member of wedding party, whose only duties are to show up on time, remember the ring, and try not to be drunk.

Amusement Park: A walled city populated mainly by teenagers, who willingly pay to have their bodies and brains agitated on a variety of fiendish contraptions designed to induce vomiting.

Bureaucrat: A Democrat who holds an office that a Republican wants.

Civilization: A process whereby one generation finds the questions to the previous generation’s answers.

Booby Trap: A brassiere.

Alimony: The fee a woman charges for name-dropping.

Family Planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Immorality: The morality of those who are having a better time.

Caffeine: One of the four basic food groups.

Cantaloupe: Gotta get married in a church.