Subject: Definitions (Page 18)

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Arsonist: A person who sets the world on fire… at least in a small way.

Definitions

Nepotism: Putting on heirs.

Definitions Family

Mercy: An attribute beloved of detected offenders.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

Insanity: Grounds for divorce in some states; grounds for marriage in all

Definitions Marriage

Marriage ceremony: An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family.

Definitions Marriage

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Animals Definitions Eating Food/Drink

Bliss: Having no idea what is really happening.

Definitions

Anesthetic: The painkiller that crazy women refuse during labor.

Definitions

Forger: A man who is always ready to write a wrong.

Definitions

Expert: A person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.

Definitions

Conscience: The voice that tells you not to do something after you have done it.

Definitions

Puttering: Woman’s word for man’s work.

Definitions

Epigram: A wisecrack that played Carnegie Hall.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Communication Definitions Language

Post Operative: Letter carrier

Definitions

Troops: Expendable bodies sent by the government to stop bullets during obscure foreign uprisings.

Definitions Military

Dorito Syndrome: Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content.

Definitions Food/Drink

Woodpecker: A knocking bird.

Definitions

Intellectual: A guy who can keep his mind on a book at a beach.

Definitions People

Slander: To lie, or tell the truth, about someone.

Communication Definitions

Punctuality: The art of arriving for an appointment just in time to be indignant at the tardiness of the other party.

Definitions Time

Death: To stop sinning suddenly.

Death Definitions