Subject: Definitions (Page 18)

Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two being goulash and squid.

Puritan: A person who pours righteous indignation into the wrong things.

Censor: A person who sticks his noes into other people’s business.

Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offense.

Parole: A period at the end of a sentence.

Distant Relative: One who can be very distant – especially when he has lots of money.

Horse: An oatsmobile.

Teenagers: People who express a burning drive to be different by dressing alike.

Brothel: Home is where the tart is.

B Flat: An apiary.

Capitol: The seat of misgovernment.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Cabinet Maker: Counter fitter.

Adolescence: When a boy has reached the state when he knows why a strapless gown must be held up, but doesn’t understand how.

Mercy: An attribute beloved of detected offenders.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Chiropodist: A man who makes money hand over foot.

False Pregnancy: Laboring under a misconception.

Temptation: Something which, when resisted, gives happiness and which, when yielded to, gives even greater happiness.

Freudian Slip: Foot-in-mouth disease.

Golf: A long walk broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

Y Chromosome: A line of genes designed for men only.

Friends: There are two kinds of friends – those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.