Subject: Definitions (Page 18)

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Contempt: The feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Senility: The pleasantly rueful experience of forgetting what we’ve forgotten.

Age Definitions Intelligence Memory Old

Ability: What you have to get by on if you don’t kiss-up to the boss.

Definitions

Experience: The name an older man gives to his mistakes.

Definitions Mistakes

Hangover: The moaning after the night before.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink Health

Second Place: The first loser.

Definitions

Marriage ceremony: An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family.

Definitions Marriage

Perfume: What a woman hopes will make her the scenter of attention.

Definitions Wordplay

Spanking: Stern punishment.

Definitions

Character: What you have left when you’ve lost everything you can lose.

Definitions

Bisexual: A person who pays for sex.

Definitions

Dentures: Two rows of artificial ivories that may be removed periodically to frighten one's grandchildren or provide accompaniment to Spanish music.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Trombones: Bones in an orchestra.

Definitions

Education: A progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Definitions Education

Secret: Information you tell to one person at a time.

Definitions

Alcatraz: A pen with a lifetime guarantee.

Definitions Wordplay

Farmer: The only man who can lose money every year, live well, educate his children, and then die rich.

Definitions

Selfishness: A state of mine.

Definitions

Budget: A schedule for going into debt systematically.

Definitions

Average Person: One who thinks someone else is the average person.

Definitions People

Businessman: One who could have made more money with less trouble in an easier line.

Definitions Occupations