Subject: Definitions (Page 19)

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Legal: Used to mean lawful; now it means some kind of loophole.

Definitions Government Law

Price: Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Money

Knitting: An exercise that gives women something to do when they are talking.

Activities Definitions

Friend: A person who listens attentively while you say nothing.

Definitions Friends People

Business Lunch: Lunch.

Definitions Food/Drink

Marriage: A process of finding out what sort of guy your wife would have preferred.

Definitions Marriage

A true gentleman is a man who may know how to play the bagpipes – but doesn’t.

Definitions

Abstract Art: The proof that things are not as bad as they are painted to be.

Art Definitions Entertainment

Camp: A place in the country where a mother sends her children for her vacation.

Definitions Places

Yacht: A floating debt.

Definitions

Craze: The other guy’s hobby.

Definitions

Destiny: A tyrant’s authority for crime and a fool’s excuse for failure.

Definitions Future Time

Justice: A decision in your favor.

Definitions

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge.”

Accidents Definitions Problems

Counterfeiter: A guy who gets into trouble by following a good example.

Definitions

Hypochondriac: One who enjoys poor health, then complains of feeling better.

Definitions Health

Egotist: A conceited ass who thinks he knows as much as you do.

Definitions Intelligence People Self

Female: One who believes if you charge it, it’s not spending, and if you add a cherry to it, it’s not intoxicating.

Definitions People

Antibody: Against everyone.

Definitions Wordplay

Hey, watch this!

Death Definitions Last words

Delta: A river with its mouth full of mud.

Definitions