Subject: Definitions (Page 2)

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Hip: Smartly attuned to the latest cutting-edge cliches.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Miscellaneous

Advertising: The rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Eric Arthur Blair (1903 – 50) English author & journalist
Definitions

Alimony: The fee a woman charges for name-dropping.

Definitions Marriage

Hamper: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty clothing.

Clothing Definitions

Archbishop: An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.

Definitions Religion

Strip Poker: A game in which the more you lose the more you have to show for it.

Activities Definitions

Life: A span of time of which the first half is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Children Definitions Parents

Consultant: Someone who knows 101 ways to make love, but can’t get a date.

Definitions

Ability: What you have to get by on if you don’t kiss-up to the boss.

Definitions

Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Money

Dog: An intelligent four-footed animal who walks around with an idiot on the end of his leash.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

Definitions Health

Florists: Petal pushers.

Definitions

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time; the man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Activities Definitions

G String: Gownless evening strap.

Clothing Definitions

District of Columbia: A territory bounded on all sides by the United States of America.

Definitions Places

Family Planning: Having all your children while their grandparents are still young enough to be babysitters.

Children Definitions Family

Miser: One who’s perfectly content to let the rest of the world go buy.

Definitions

Sleet: A slipcover.

Definitions Science/Weather

American Idealism: Being willing to make any sacrifice that won’t hurt business.

Definitions

Puritan: A person who pours righteous indignation into the wrong things.

Definitions