Subject: Definitions (Page 21)

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Age: The time when everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.

Age Definitions Old

Hooker: A working woman commonly despised by people who sell themselves for even less.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Sex

Vacation: A period during which people find out where to stay away from next year.

Definitions

Accountant: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Definitions Occupations

Conscience: A device that doesn’t keep you from doing anything – just keeps you from enjoying it.

Definitions

Vasectomy: Never having to say you’re sorry.

Definitions

Archbishop: An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.

Definitions Religion

Buffet: A French word that means “get up and get it yourself.”

American humorist & public speaker
Definitions Food/Drink

Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two being goulash and squid.

Definitions Food/Drink

Vulgarity: The conduct of others.

Definitions

Congress: A body of men who meet to repeal laws.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Government Language Law

Freudian Slip: When you say one thing but mean your mother.

Communication Definitions

Roulette: A wheel that seldom takes a turn for the bettor.

Activities Definitions Games

Middle Age: That time of life when you'd rather not have a good time than recover from it. 

Age Definitions

Altar-Boy: A type of bicycle accident.

Definitions

Self-evident: Evident to one's self and to nobody else.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions

Unwed Mother: One who helps perpetuate the genes of an unwed father, without the latter’s talent for becoming invisible at will.

Definitions Family

Bliss: Having no idea what is really happening.

Definitions

Optimist: An anti-skeptic.

Definitions

Lawyer: One skilled in circumvention of the law.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Law

Sabbatical: A Latin word meaning, “I quit, but you won’t know it for certain for a year.”

Definitions