Subject: Definitions (Page 21)

Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Darling: The popular form of address used in speaking to a member of the opposite sex whose name you cannot at the moment remember.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator

Inhibition: Being tied up in nots.

Umbrella: A movable roof.

Matrimony: A knot tied by a preacher and untied by a lawyer.

Prostitute: A busy body.

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

Sewing Circle: Where friendship hangs by a thread.

Democracy: A state of mind in which every man is as good as every other man, provided he really is.

Interpreter: A ventriloquist using two dummies.

Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.

Learned Fool: One who has read everything, and simply remembered it.

Government Deficit: The difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.

Calculus: The branch of mathematics that is so scary it causes everybody to stop studying mathematics.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other.

(1870-1943) German-American politician, socialist & writer

Fanatic: One who, having lost sight of his goal, redoubles his efforts.

Alimony: A splitting headache.

Gold Digger: A woman after all.

Delta: A river with its mouth full of mud.

Cavity: Empty space ready to be stuffed with dentist’s bills.

Divorce: Future tense of marriage.