Subject: Definitions (Page 21)

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Sarcasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it.

Communication Definitions

Black Eye: A stamp of disapproval.

Definitions

Newlywed: What you and your spouse will officially be considered until your first anniversary, or until you go an entire week without sex (whichever comes first).

Definitions Marriage

Politician: One who is willing to do anything on earth for the workers except become one.

Definitions Government Politicians

Baby: An inhabitant of Lapland.

Children Definitions Family

Parents: People who bear infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

Honest Politician: One who, when he is bought, will stay bought.

Definitions Government Politicians

Tact: The art of saying nothing when there is nothing to say. 

Definitions

Vulgarity: The conduct of others.

Definitions

Logic: The art of going wrong with confidence.

Definitions

Stock Market: A popular game of chance in which moneyed speculators gamble with the nation’s economy, the object being to amass as much unearned income as possible before one’s fellow gamblers withdraw from the game and precipitate a nationwide depression.

Definitions Money

Tolerance: That uncomfortable feeling that the other fellow might be right after all.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

Class Reunion: A gathering where you come to the conclusion that most of the people your own age are a lot older than you are.

Age Definitions

Tolerance: Another word for indifference.

Characteristics Definitions

Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Definitions Science/Weather Taxes

Executive: A big gun – that hasn’t been fired yet.

Definitions

Avoidance: A dance for people who hate each other.

Definitions

Christmas: A warm, cheery two-month festival that celebrates the joy of retail merchandise.

Definitions

Overeat: To dine.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Eating Food/Drink Language

Smile: To expose a portion of one’s skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions