Subject: Definitions (Page 22)

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Debt: A trap which a man sets and baits himself, and then deliberately gets into.

Definitions Money

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language Self

Luxury Resort: One where a waiter expects a $2 tip when he presents a $6 bill for serving a $3.50 bottle of beer.

Definitions

Discretion: When you are sure you are right and then ask your wife.

Definitions

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Definitions Marriage Wives

April 1: The day we are reminded of what we are the other 364.

Definitions Fools Intelligence

Bigamist: A man who marries a beautiful girl and a good cook.

Definitions Marriage Wives

Camp: A place in the country where a mother sends her children for her vacation.

Definitions Places

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it.

Animals Definitions Food/Drink

Spouse: Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

Definitions Marriage

Home: A place where man goes to raise a fuss because something went wrong at the office.

Definitions Places

Husband: A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife’s permission to say so.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

Niagara Falls: The bride’s second great disappointment.

Definitions Places Sex

Toastmaster: A gentleman who introduces a gentleman who needs no introduction.

Definitions

World: A place that was built in six days – and looks it.

Definitions Places World

Mixed Company: What you are in when you think of a story you can’t tell there.

Definitions People

Lemonade Stand: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of fifteen cents.

Definitions

Small Town: A place where nothing happens every minute.

Definitions Places

Billboards: Litter on a stick.

Definitions

Chastity: Perhaps the most peculiar of all sexual aberrations.

Definitions Sex

Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that hey cannot separately plunder a third.

Definitions Politics