Subject: Definitions (Page 22)

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Positive: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Speech

Puttering: Woman’s word for man’s work.

Definitions

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time; the man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Activities Definitions

Conscience: An inner voice that warns us somebody is watching.

Definitions

Karma: Justice without the feeling of satisfaction.

Definitions

News: The same thing happening today that happened yesterday, but to different people.

Definitions

Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

Children Definitions Family

Abash: A high school graduation party.

Definitions

Traffic Light: A trick to get pedestrians halfway across the street safely.

Autos Definitions Things

Clergyman: A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of bettering his temporal ones.

Definitions Occupations

Etiquette: The noise you don’t make while eating soup.

Definitions

Auditor: A person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.

Definitions Occupations

Defame: To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Lies Truth

Foosball: A combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

Activities Definitions

Adolescents: People who never seem to realize that one day they will be as dumb as their parents.

Age Definitions

Respirator: An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth… whereby to filter the visible universe in its passage to the lungs.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Things

Husband: A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife’s permission to say so.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

Statesman: An ex-politician who has mastered the art of holding his tongue.

Communication Definitions Politicians Speech

Plagiarism: Failure to adorn stolen ideas with footnotes, as opposed to scholarship, which repeatedly acknowledges the theft.

Definitions Ideas Reading/Writing

Democracy: A state of mind in which every man is as good as every other man, provided he really is.

Definitions Democracy Government

Bargain Hunter: One who is often led astray by false profits.

Activities Definitions Shopping