Subject: Definitions (Page 22)

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Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning; old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Definitions Old

Brain: The apparatus with which we think we think.

Body Definitions

Clever Woman: One who knows how to give a man her own way.

Definitions

Hip: Smartly attuned to the latest cutting-edge cliches.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

White Supremacists: The most convincing argument against the theory of white racial superiority.

Beliefs Definitions Intelligence People

Caramel: A substance for extracting children’s teeth.

Definitions Food/Drink

Lemonade Stand: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of fifteen cents.

Definitions

Imagination: What puts men in asylums unless they are crazy enough to put it down on paper or canvas.

Definitions

Bachelor: A man who can get out of bed from either side.

Definitions Marriage Men People

Take Home Pay: An amount of money which is called that because it is never big enough to go anywhere else with it.

Definitions Money

Slogan: A good old American substitute for the facts.

Definitions

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Things

Diet Drink/Soda: A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half-pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Definitions Food/Drink

Indifference: A woman’s feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as “playing hard to get.”

Definitions

Tolerance: That uncomfortable feeling that the other fellow might be right after all.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

Amateur: A person too stupid to profit from the talent they possess.

British writer, cartoonist, poet & performer
Definitions

Chip Shot: A short, low approach shot that gets a player into position for one or more missed puts.

Definitions Golf Sports

Cricket: A game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity.

Definitions Sports

Impotent: Willy-nilly.

Definitions Sex

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar.

Autos Definitions Things

Silence: Having nothing to say and saying it.

Communication Definitions Situations Speech