Subject: Definitions (Page 23)

View All Definitions

Freelance: To collect unemployment.

Definitions Work

Budget: A method of worrying before you spend, instead of afterward.

Definitions

Falsies: A hope chest.

Body Clothing Definitions

Window Screen: A device for keeping flies in the house.

Definitions Things

Dog Pound: A used cur lot.

Definitions

Contraceptives: What Protestants use on all conceivable occasions.

Definitions

Strip Poker: A game in which the more you lose the more you have to show for it.

Activities Definitions

Retraction: The revision of an insult to give it wider circulation.

Definitions Insults

Easy: Used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

Definitions People Sex Women

Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

Beliefs Definitions Occupations

Nouvelle Cuisine, roughly translated, means: I can’t believe I paid ninety-six dollars and I’m still hungry.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink

Insanity: Grounds for divorce in some states; grounds for marriage in all

Definitions Marriage

Chaperoning: A spectator spoil-sport.

Definitions

Beer: The method of turning grain into urine.

Beer Definitions Food/Drink

Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that hey cannot separately plunder a third.

Definitions Politics

Cemetery: An isolated spot, usually in a suburb, where mourners swap lies.

Definitions

Bigamist: A man who marries a beautiful girl and a good cook.

Definitions Marriage Wives

Camp: Where parents spend $1,000 for eight weeks to teach their child to make a 25-cent ash tray.

Definitions

Diplomat: A person who can juggle a hot potato long enough for it to become a cold issue.

Definitions

Baby: An alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.

Definitions Family

Disrespect: Giving someone half of the peace sign without suggesting they’re number one.

Definitions