Subject: Definitions (Page 23)

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Middle age is when you stop criticizing the older generation and start criticizing the younger one.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Age Definitions

Fairy Tale: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.

Definitions

Court Of Law: A place where a suit is pressed and a man maybe taken to the cleaners.

Definitions Law

Users: Computer users are divided into three types: Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people's computers.

Computers Definitions People Things

Rite: A religious or semi-religious ceremony fixed by law, precept or custom, with the essential oil of sincerity carefully squeezed out of it.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions

Daughter: A person who Dad likes because she reminds him why he married his wife, and who Mom is afraid of because she reminds her of why her husband married her.

Definitions Family

Conscience: A device that doesn’t keep you from doing anything – just keeps you from enjoying it.

Definitions

Arson: Fire caused by friction between the insurance policy and the mortgage.

Definitions

Vulgarity: The conduct of others.

Definitions

Dog: The only friend you can buy for money.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Courtship: A period during which a girl decides whether or not she can do better.

Definitions Relationships

Dog Pound: A used cur lot.

Definitions

Gentleman: A man who remembers a woman’s birthday but forgets her age.

Definitions Men People

Heredity: The thing a child gets from the other side of the family.

writer
Definitions Family

Birth: The first and dirtiest of all disasters. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Situations

Knitting: An exercise that gives women something to do when they are talking.

Activities Definitions

Stomach: The home of the swallow.

Definitions

Diet: What helps a person gain weight more slowly.

Definitions Food/Drink

Road: A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Autos Definitions Things Travel

Experience: What causes a person to make new mistakes instead of the same old ones.

Definitions Mistakes

Temptation: Something which, when resisted, gives happiness and which, when yielded to, gives even greater happiness.

Definitions