Subject: Definitions (Page 24)

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Aground: When a boat makes the discovery that all water has land under it.

Definitions

Dime: A dollar with all the taxes taken out.

Definitions Money

Donuts: The only non-negotiable element to a successful meeting.

Definitions

University: A modern school where football is taught.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Education Football Language School

Democracy: A system whereby the person who never votes can cuss out the man the other people elected.

Definitions Democracy Elections/Voting Government

Alimony: A splitting headache.

Definitions Marriage

Group Therapy: A drama-in-the-round staged for the entertainment of a professional therapist, who commands the players to put on a new show each week and charges them for the privilege.

Definitions

Desire: The thing that is so often nipped in the budget.

Definitions Emotions

Accordion: An instrument whose music is long drawn out.

Definitions Entertainment Music Things

Giraffe: The highest form of animal life.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

Hydroponic Gardening: Using a plant to convert water into yard work.

Definitions

Sound Sleeper: Someone who snores.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Discretion: Being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.

Definitions

Genealogy: An account of one’s descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.

Definitions Family

Sadist: A person who is kind to a masochist.

Definitions People Wordplay

Diplomacy: The ability to take something and make the other fellow believe he is giving it away.

Definitions

Capital Punishment: Killing people who kill people to prove that killing people is wrong.

Crime Death Definitions Killing

Opportunist: A person who, finding himself in hot water, decides he needs a bath anyway.

Definitions Situations

Originality: The art of concealing your source.

Definitions

Insomnia: contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Economist: One who takes a lot of unwarranted assumptions and reaches a foregone conclusion.

Definitions Occupations Work