Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Definitions
(Page 24)
View All Definitions
Aground: When a boat makes the discovery that all water has land under it.
Anonymous
Definitions
Aground
Boats
Dime: A dollar with all the taxes taken out.
Anonymous
Definitions
Money
Dime
Donuts: The only non-negotiable element to a successful meeting.
Anonymous
Definitions
Donuts
University: A modern school where football is taught.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Education
Football
Language
School
University
Democracy: A system whereby the person who never votes can cuss out the man the other people elected.
Anonymous
Definitions
Democracy
Elections/Voting
Government
Alimony: A splitting headache.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Alimony
Group Therapy: A drama-in-the-round staged for the entertainment of a professional therapist, who commands the players to put on a new show each week and charges them for the privilege.
Anonymous
Definitions
Group Therapy
Desire: The thing that is so often nipped in the budget.
Anonymous
Definitions
Emotions
Desire
Accordion: An instrument whose music is long drawn out.
Anonymous
Definitions
Entertainment
Music
Things
Accordion
Giraffe: The highest form of animal life.
Anonymous
Animals
Definitions
Wordplay
Giraffe
Hydroponic Gardening: Using a plant to convert water into yard work.
Anonymous
Definitions
Hydroponic Gardening
Sound Sleeper: Someone who snores.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Sleep
Snoring
Sound Sleeper
Discretion: Being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.
Anonymous
Definitions
Discretion
Genealogy: An account of one’s descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.
Anonymous
Definitions
Family
Genealogy
Sadist: A person who is kind to a masochist.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Wordplay
Sadist
Diplomacy: The ability to take something and make the other fellow believe he is giving it away.
Anonymous
Definitions
Diplomacy
Capital Punishment: Killing people who kill people to prove that killing people is wrong.
Anonymous
Crime
Death
Definitions
Killing
Capital punishment
Opportunist: A person who, finding himself in hot water, decides he needs a bath anyway.
Anonymous
Definitions
Situations
Opportunist
Originality: The art of concealing your source.
Anonymous
Definitions
Originality
Insomnia: contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Sleep
Insomnia
Economist: One who takes a lot of unwarranted assumptions and reaches a foregone conclusion.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Work
Economist
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