Subject: Definitions (Page 24)

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Cardiology: The study of poker playing.

Activities Definitions

Cat: A lap warmer with a built-in buzzer.

Animals Cats Definitions

Democracy: A state of mind in which every man is as good as every other man, provided he really is.

Definitions Democracy Government

Experience: In the working world, something you can’t get unless you’ve already got it, in which case you probably don’t want any more of it.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Auditor: A person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.

Definitions Occupations

Accordionated: Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

Definitions Wordplay

Bugs: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.

Animals Definitions

Philanthropist: One who returns to the people publicly what he steals from them privately.

Definitions People

Four-wheel Drive: Getting stuck in more inaccessible places.

Definitions

Self-esteem: An erroneous appraisement.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions

Life: A span of time of which the first half is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Children Definitions Parents

Egotist: A person of low taste more interested in himself than in me.

Definitions

Newlywed: A man who puts up the storm windows the first time his wife suggests it.

Definitions Marriage

Experimental psychologist: A scientist who pulls habits out of rats.

(1904 – 1974) American author & radio producer
Definitions Occupations Wordplay Work

Babysitter: A teenager you hire to watch your TV.

Definitions

Dog Kennel: A barking lot.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Intimacy: A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Fools

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it.

Animals Definitions Food/Drink

Faith: Not wanting to know what is true.

(1844 – 1900) German philosopher
Beliefs Definitions

Conservative: A liberal who has just been mugged.

Beliefs Definitions

A man with two perfectly good legs who has never learned to walk.

(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president
Definitions People