Subject: Definitions (Page 25)

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Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Definitions Politicians

Death: Life’s way of telling you you’ve been fired.

Death Definitions Life

Chiropodist: A man who makes money hand over foot.

Definitions Doctors Occupations

Congress: A place where there are too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen – and not enough U.S. Congressmen.

Congress Definitions Government

Genetic Engineering: Tampering with chromosomes so that science might develop a new miracle cure or a rabbit that plays the banjo. –

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Science/Weather

Sound Sleeper: Someone who snores.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Diagnosis: A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language Money

Circus: A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals Communication Definitions Fools Language People

Spanking: Stern punishment.

Definitions

Grandmother: A babysitter who doesn’t hang around the refrigerator.

Definitions Family

Father: An ATM provided by nature.

Definitions Family Fathers

Bachelor: A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.

Definitions Men People

Pacifist: A fellow who could attend a peace conference without getting into a fight.

Conflict Definitions Fights People

Refinement: The ability to yawn without opening your mouth.

Characteristics Definitions

Mission Statement: A long, awkward sentence that demonstrates management’s inability to think clearly.

Definitions

Retraction: The revision of an insult to give it wider circulation.

Definitions Insults

Ice Fishing: Winter fishing method in which anglers use a variety of specialized equipment to catch colds.

Definitions

Altar: Place where a man loses control of himself.

Definitions Marriage

Elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Animals Definitions

Apparently: As either mother or father would do it.

Definitions

Jury: A group of 12 people, who, having lied to the judge about their health, hearing, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.

Definitions