Subject: Definitions (Page 25)

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Businessman: One who talks golf all morning at the office, and business all afternoon on the links.

Definitions Golf Occupations

Perfume: Any smell that is used to drown a worse one.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Definitions

Husband: A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife’s permission to say so.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offense.

Definitions

Neurotic: Someone who worries about things that didn’t happen in the past instead of worrying about things that won’t happen in the future.

Definitions People

Self-made Man: A horrible example of unskilled labor.

Definitions

Ambassador: An honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.

Definitions

Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

Children Definitions Family

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Statistician: A person who believes that if you put your head in a furnace and your feet in a bucket of iced water, on the average you should feel reasonably comfortable.

Definitions Occupations

Butt: The body part that every item of clothing makes “look bigger.”

Appearance Body Definitions

Hospital Room: A place where friends of the patient go to talk to other friends of the patient.

Definitions

Acoustic: An instrument used in shooting pool.

Definitions

Small Town: Where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and all buy the weekly newspaper to see how much the editor dares to print.

Definitions Places

Delegation: In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Government Language

Bargain: Something you can’t use, at a price you can’t resist.

Activities Definitions Shopping

Regret: Insight that comes a day too late.

Definitions

Showoff: A child who is more talented than yours.

Children Definitions Family

Adolescence: That period when children feel their parents should be told the facts of life.

Age Definitions

Longevity: Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Death Definitions Language Life

Selfishness: A state of mine.

Definitions